


Amnesia

by Novembaby_13



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Explicit Language, Gay Sex, Idiots in Love, Loss of Virginity, Mild Sexual Content, Minor Violence, Oral Sex, Other, Sappy, Straight Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-08
Updated: 2014-11-08
Packaged: 2018-02-23 21:26:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2556284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Novembaby_13/pseuds/Novembaby_13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The tale of nine boys and two girls that attempt to navigate life and love while on an endless world tour. Love, hate, love triangles, twists and turns, and complications that none of them could've seen coming. Join in this journey as they find a rocky balance between life and love in this world of rock and roll.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Amnesia

Book 1: Luke  
"Michael!" Luke shouted as a he searched in the parking lot for his friend. He knew Mikey was in a bad mood, but he never thought he'd run off after a simple insult like that. Luke checked around every corner and happened upon the strangest of sights: Cass, the new intern was in a dark alley fighting with some guy. She was crying, and while Luke didn't know her well, he worried she was in trouble. He decided to stick around and make sure that nothing bad was happening.  
"Get off of me! Your an asshole and I can't believe I fell for it! Let me go!"  
Cass struggled against a man, but not convincingly enough for Luke to take action. Instead, Luke watched as the man, shrouded by shadows, grasped her shoulders and whispered,  
"I never stopped loving you. I'll never stop Cass, I have to stay with her because of the image but I'll never stop loving you Cass. I can't, even if this world were to burn, I couldn't let you go!"  
Cass slapped him and then she grabbed his face, pressing their lips together. Luke took this as his signal to leave. He walked about the parking lot, still looking for Mikey and bumped into someone. He looked up and realized it was Cass, her eyes still gleaming with unshed tears.  
"Hey, are you okay Cass?"  
She threw her arms around him in an unexpected display of affectionate need,  
"He loves me, but not enough to risk it all. He wants me to wait but I can't, it hurts too much Luke. What can I do?"  
I held her while she cried, even though her tears would ruin the expensive clothes that the label had bought. I stroked her hair gingerly,  
"One day you'll find someone else Cass,  
I promise. He will love you so much that it will consume him. Don't lose heart my dear."  
She nodded, pulling away and asked for one simple favor,  
"Will you give this to Louis for me? I'm going to go home and as my roommate would say 'rethink my life'."  
I nodded and watched as Cass, this wonderful girl, left everyone behind.

Book 2: Cass  
"Sophie? I'm home."  
Sophie yelled a breathless,  
"Yeah."  
Next thing Cass knew Sophie was standing in the entryway right in front of Cass.  
"What's up Cass? Did you get things all worked out with that guy?"  
The tears that Cass had been holding in exploded forth,  
"I'm so sorry Cass. Can I do something? What was that bastard's name, I'll kill him...or I'll junk punch him!"  
She shook her head,  
"Louis isn't worth the effort. Besides, I've seen his thing and it's not that impressive, it would be a very small target to try and punch."  
At that Sophie laughed one of her deep, resonating cackles, and for a moment Cass let herself smile. Then they both wound up in the kitchen, but there was a strange knock on the door that interrupted their commiserations.  
"Who is that at this hour?" Sophie asked, looking concerned. Cass shrugged and moved to get the door. Sophie stopped her with a cautioning hand,  
"I'll get it, you already had a bad day. I'll give you a running head start of it's an axe murderer."  
Cass laughed at that, but followed Sophie to the door. Sophie checked the peep hole and looked as Cass with her mouth agape,  
"Either Mikey Clifford is really lost or I'm dreaming again."  
Cass pushed her out of the way and looked through the peep hole and saw Mikey staring at his feet. Cass turned to Sophie and said,  
"Be cool. Don't freak out, he hates that."  
Then Cass opened the door and came face to face with a very upset Mikey.  
"Hey, can I stay here tonight? My 'mates' are being little fuck-twats again."  
Cass noted that Sophie had restrained herself and hadn't shoved Cass out of the way to look at one of her very few teen idols. Cass looked back and shared a look with Sophie and made the silent agreement that Mikey could stay but Sophie wasn't going to freak out all over him. Sophie nodded and Cass turned to Mikey,  
"You can stay, my roommate said she doesn't mind."  
"Thanks Cass and...?" Mikey walked past Cass and stood right in front of Sophie. Cass wasn't sure what was going to happen next but she was surprised when Sophie simply extended her hand and quietly introduced herself. Sophie wasn't exactly outgoing but she had certainly never seemed so meek before, at least as far as Cass could recall. Mikey seemed to be charmed by her meekness and gave her a dazzling smile as he took her hand, introducing himself in turn.  
"Nice to meet you Sophie. Do you have nickname?"

"Soph. You can call me Soph."

Book 3: Harry  
"What do you mean 'Cass is gone'!? Cass can't be gone!"  
Harry paced back and forth, his hand pulled at his, admittedly, ridiculously long hair, unable to keep still.  
"Cass is the only worthwhile employee in this entire fucking company! Louis, I'm going to fucking ring your fucking wanker neck! Goddammit!"  
Louis didn't respond just read the note over again,  
"I'm sorry. Goodbye."  
That's all Cass had to say after all those weeks of talking for hours. Louis hadn't been good enough and Harry knew this would happen. Harry had grown so fond of Cass after the six weeks they had spent together. Cass was the only manager that actually acted like she cared, rather than a crazed fan more concerned with fucking someone famous than their actual work. Cass had been well liked by all of one direction but Harry had come to feel like a big brother figure. When he'd found out what Louis was doing with her, he'd confronted him, but Louis was like a brother to Harry and Harry couldn't do the right thing and punch Louis. Louis was in a committed relationship with Eleanor, had been for three and half years now and this fling with Cass had supposedly been love, but Harry knew that deep down, Louis hadn't loved anyone since his brief fling with Zayn. Louis and Zayn's closeted bisexuality had drawn them together, and what they had was like something you'd read in corny fanfiction, but their relationship came to an abrupt halt when Zayn threw Louis away after he met Perry and started dating her for the PR.  
Louis didn't eat for weeks afterward and refused to even look at Zayn for weeks, but they'd found an unsteady balance a year later. No one had been the wiser, least of all poor Eleanor. Harry and Louis had been best friends from the start, but after things went down with Zayn, Louis had pushed Harry away. Honestly, Harry thought that the fling with Cass would finally push Louis over the edge and make him break up with Eleanor, but Louis chose to end it with Cass for reasons Harry couldn't wrap his mind around.  
"Look," Louis started, "I really did care for her but a few shags later, I realized things were going nowhere with us, so I let her go. I didn't know she was so invested."  
Harry lost it and charged at Louis, throwing him up against the wall, using his height to intimidate him.  
"You are such a fucking wanker. I'm gonna go fix this with Cass so that we don't lose a good person, but you better not even fucking think about her when she comes back. You don't deserve her!" With that Harry let go of Louis, grabbed his jacket, punched Cass's flat address into his phone and went to get the only woman he ever cared for outside of his family and girlfriends.

Book 4: Sophie  
Mikey was more down to earth than Sophie ever expected, but what really surprised the poor fangirl was that Mikey had ventured into her room on his way to the bathroom.  
"Can I help you?" Sophie asked, scaring Mikey a bit, but Sophie was pleasantly surprised when he was caught ogling her extensive CD collection.  
"I like most of the people, but Josh Groban? Really? I expected more of someone who owns every Pierce the Veil album..."  
Sophie felt the blush rush to her cheeks, she'd never been embarrassed by her CD collection before, but something inside her felt shame at Mikey's discovery of her secret Josh Groban love. Sophie surprised herself by stating,  
"How can you not love him? His voice is fucking orgasmic."  
Mikey chuckled at that,  
"I might could agree with that, but why does he have to be beside my band's album?"  
Mikey wasn't really intimidating in real life, but a year of fangirling had twisted Sophie's tongue because she knew he was kind of a big deal.  
"Well, I only just discovered you guys a year ago," she started, "I couldn't very well stick you next to Pierce the Veil if you sucked."  
Mikey took mock offense at that and barely contained his smile as he crossed the room to stand in front of Sophie.  
"Well," he was standing much closer than necessary, breathing Sophie's air, "what do you think of us now?"  
Sophie took a step back and shook her head,  
"Too much pressure. Can't make such decisions with Mikey Clifford standing right here. Ask me some other time."  
Mikey grinned and took her hand in a flourish and kissed the top of it,  
"As you wish."  
Then he scampered off to the bathroom and Sophie quickly gathered herself and shut her door locking it. She may like Mikey, but she would be pissed if he tried coming in her room for any reason. Cass sent her text that said,  
"Don't you dare let Mikey in your room. I like him but band members are just trouble."  
Sophie replied in turn,  
"Don't worry. Door is locked. No losing my virginity tonight."  
Sophie got in bed and tried to sleep even though she knew a very famous man slept a mere twenty feet away and he liked her musical collection.

Book 5: Zayn  
Louis and Cass's fling wasn't a secret. At least, not as big a secret as Louis and Zayn's. Zayn could tell that Louis wasn't over him, he caught Louis staring at him sometimes and there was this reverence and love in those simple looks that took Zayn's breath away. If the manager hadn't talked him into dating Perry, he would've never broken Louis's heart in the first place. Now that he and Perry were engaged, Zayn felt like he was going to lose his mind if Louis looked at him that way again.  
Though he would never admit it, Zayn was still completely head over heels for Louis. Louis could never know, no one could ever know, but it became harder with every passing day. Perry was a great relief of his sexual frustration, but when the band was on the road like this for months on end, Zayn's sexual frustrations built. He had to deal with seeing Louis in every form of getting ready, from when he woke up, to when he stepped on stage. Louis had a fantastic body and he wasn't ashamed of it, in fact, he loved to flaunt it. One look at Louis's washboard abs and Zayn found himself taking a cold shower, just to calm down. Louis drove him nuts, but no one could ever know. No one would ever know how much he loved Louis. Zayn loved the way his mouth seemed to curl into a smile when he was singing, he loved the way his eyes crinkled up when he was really smiling, he loved the blue of his eyes, he loved his tousled hair, he loved his compassionate heart, he loved his asshole exterior, and he loved the way Louis had loved him. Louis had unselfishly given himself to Zayn and Zayn still didn't understand why Louis had done it. Louis was beautiful inside and out, but Zayn was rather dull and simple, despite his breath-taking exterior. Zayn didn't deserve to be loved the way Louis loved him, especially after what he said to Louis in the end.  
"Louis, I don't love you. You're disgusting. You were just a way to pass time between women. I don't want you, I never want you like that ever again! Fuck off!"  
The words were lies but they'd done their work and judging by the cold shoulder he was receiving from Harry, Louis had been thoroughly convinced. Louis and Harry, they were supposed to be the gay ones, not Zayn. Zayn was supposed to be the utterly straight and completely unattainable hottie. That's what he had become and while his career had taken off, his heart had never moved on.  
Even now, he sat outside Louis's door and wished nothing more than to knock and take Louis to bed, undo all the pain he had caused, but he never would.  
No one could ever know. Not even Louis

Book 6: Mikey  
Sophie wasn't hot. She was definitely not hot. But she was growing increasingly more beautiful with every passing moment. Mikey knew she was different, knew it almost immediately after he met her and her music collection definitely showed she was a free thinker. Mikey couldn't believe that she had Josh Groban in the same library as Bring Me the Horizon. He was even more shocked when she had blatantly turned down his obvious advances. He warred with himself about trying to talk to her again that evening, but he didn't want to come off like one of those band members after sex and that's all. Instead he wandered downstairs and found Cass standing at the front door again, arguing with someone.  
"No, I can't go back. What happened with Louis was inappropriate and I have compromised my integrity being with him. I can't show my face there ever again."  
"Cass, please, what happened with you and Louis was a huge mistake, but you can fix it. Just please come back love, we need you."  
Mikey recognized Harry's voice and knew automatically what happened. Louis was a little slut and he fucked nearly anything within sight to rage against the company's demands that he stay with Eleanor. Mikey was surprised when Cass did the most British thing ever and offered Harry a cup of tea. Harry laughed at that shook his head, finally allowed inside. Mikey thought about going down to join them and he realized there was someone standing behind him.  
"What are you doing eavesdropping?" He accused Sophie. He liked watching her blush and she did so rather cutely.  
"I am trying to figure out why there are two strange men in our apartment. We aren't a homeless shelter for band members."  
Sophie was rather sarcastically witty and Mikey rather enjoyed the quips that followed her blushing. He nodded,  
"Wouldn't want you to get raped by some random guy because of it either."  
Mikey returned his gaze to the happenings below. Harry and Cass were seated in the kitchen, just out of sight and Mikey thought about abandoning this and going to bed, but then Sophie sat down next to him and whispered,  
"So why is Harry here?"  
Mikey grinned and leaned towards her to whisper,  
"Because he secretly loves her and refuses to let things with Louis ruin his chance at true love."  
She nodded, seeming unaffected by Mikey's proximity, focused on the happenings below.  
Harry and Cass talked for awhile about inconsequential things like weather and how the tour was going and how Cass liked her job, but when they finally returned to the original purpose of this visit, Cass was rather unmovable on her decision to quit.  
"No Harry, I can't. It would be too painful. I know Louis never loved me, but having to face the fact that I feel for his act every day, that's too much to ask of someone."  
"Hear me out," Harry responded, "Louis and you probably won't interact very often and Louis will probably forget about it before you even know it. You barely ran into each other in the first place, that was when you were both trying, now you shouldn't have to see him again. I promise you, if he even breathes in your general direction, I will fuck him up and he knows it."  
Cass didn't stand her ground for long and soon Harry had his way. They continued their inconsequential conversing, but Mikey directed his attention to Sophie.  
"So, who's your favorite band?"  
Sophie tried to hide a small smile,  
"That's classified. I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you."  
"Oh really?" Mikey asked, "What would some poor civilian have to do to be privy to such secrets?"  
Sophie shrugged,  
"I don't know, I guess I'd have to really love and trust them. Only my best friends know who my true favorite is and they had to work for it. I'm talking two years before I even told my best friend."  
Mikey laughed,  
"Two years? I don't have two years, I only have tonight."  
She shrugged yet again,  
"I guess you'll never know then."  
Mikey didn't like this one bit,  
"What can I do?"  
"Look," she said looking Mikey in the eye, "I'm not looking to be another notch on someone's bedpost. I know that's all you want so let me just stop you right there."  
Mikey felt rather offended by Sophie's insinuations,  
"Excuse me, but I never said that those were my intentions. But way to go and ruin a perfectly good friendship by assuming the worst."  
Sophie shrugged yet again and Mikey found that he rather hated this noncommittal gesture, especially from someone so infuriatingly hard to read.  
"It wouldn't be a ruined friendship or relationship if that wasn't what you were seeking in the first place."  
Her sharp words deflated Mikey and he stood to leave, but found he didn't really want to. He didn't want what he had with Sophie to end like this,  
"You're right. I guess I should ask you if you want to be my friend and try to get to know you and earn your trust before I expect so much of you."  
Sophie nodded and stood to face Mikey,  
"Well, Michael, I will mull it over tonight and get back to you tomorrow, if you truly want to be my friend."  
And then Mikey smiled and pressed a kiss to her forehead, surprising himself with the tender gesture. She hid her smile fairly well, he almost would've believed her indifferent if she hadn't nearly skipped back to her room. He would stick around in the morning, if for no other reason than to see Sophie blush again.

Book 7: Luke  
Cass surprised everyone by returning after taking a weekend off to get over things with Louis. And she really did put it behind her from the look of it, she seemed rather content to Luke and he was glad to see her so much better than their last run in. Louis stayed away from her and for a few weeks, it seemed peaceful. But then Ashton had some drama with a girl he'd been seeing and it seemed like the world might end in that moment. Then Calum decided that he thought he might be gay. Something completely forgotten a day later when he slept with some fan after the Oklahoma show. Life was rather dull for Luke because of his lack of romance. Even Mikey had someone, some girl he met after he stormed off. Mikey didn't talk about her much, like he wanted to keep her all to himself. It would've been adorable if it wasn't so annoying.  
Cass's return heralded nothing new for Luke or anyone except Louis. Louis was far too busy doing some stupid shit or hanging out with Eleanor to be bothered to create some worthwhile drama. Liam was always too goody two shoes to cause any trouble. Harry was pining after Cass who was utterly oblivious. Zayn was busy planning his wedding with Perry or avoiding Louis and Harry to be much fun. Even Niall had become boring. Luke's own band mates were equally annoying and infuriating. Ashton and Calum were the manwhores, while Mikey had his secret girlfriend. Luke, Luke had his guitar and lifetime of loneliness to keep him warm at night. Luke wondered why he thought being famous would be fun when it was really just a drag.

Book 8: Cass  
At first, things seemed so peaceful for Cass, but it was only a few weeks after her return that she found herself in the middle of another scandal, though not her own. Calum had announced he was gay, the management had a field day, that was until he suddenly wasn't. That's when management made a rather drastic decision involving both boy bands. The management of the two companies came together in a rare show of solidarity and demanded that each band member be up front and honest about their sexual orientation and their current relationships. Cass knew it was all a ploy to make sure that the girls dating these idiots weren't looking for some juicy story.  
Cass knew Eleanor wasn't looking for such things. Perry had been a fortuitous set up so there wasn't anything there. Harry was single. Niall was single. And honestly, Liam was definitely not dating someone interested in story, at least he wouldn't date them for two years if they'd shown any sign of being like that.  
Then there was 5 Seconds of Summer, they were a mess. Calum was a little slut, everyone knew it. Ashton was also a slut. Mikey wasn't technically dating anyone, but he fancied Cass's roommate quite a lot. Sophie was a wonderful person as far as Cass was concerned but she didn't know if she wanted Mikey to date her if all he wanted was someone to fuck. Cass warned Sophie regularly, but Sophie swore it was completely platonic. Then there was Luke. Luke was the biggest mess of them all becaus he refused to show interest in romance at all. All he really did was sit in his room or watch drama unfold, as if he could live through someone else's dramatic life. Lately Luke had been eyeing Cass and Cass was certainly wary of it, but there was nothing more than a look or two, like he was waiting for her to suddenly explode. It was unnerving but entirely harmless as far as Cass was concerned.  
She watched as 5SOS turned in the paperwork of their sexual orientation and relationships. Cass was surprised when she saw that Luke hadn't filled his out.  
"Luke, you didn't fill yours out?" She asked. Luke smiled and pressed a finger to his lips.  
"You see," he whispered behind his finger,  
"I don't have anything to admit to. I have no relationships and I am entirely straight so who gives a fuck?"  
With that, Luke turned in the blank paper and Cass watched Luke walk away and the person that filed his didn't look twice because no suspected Luke of anything out of the ordinary. A small piece of Cass felt like there should've been more attention paid to Luke, but as she thought back, Luke never had any serious scandals. This was weird considering that he was probably the most attractive of the entire group of boys, so Cass decided that she was going to be keeping an eye on Luke. She would keep an eye on him the same way he seemed to keep an eye on her.  
Harry surprised Cass by appearing behind her and whispering,  
"You look like you're considering the fate of the world..."  
Cass jumped ten feet in the air, but when she faced Harry, she couldn't stay mad at him. Harry had a secret weapon, his grin, and he need only grin at Cass and she would forgive him almost anything. Harry handed Cass a cupcake and said,  
"Happy birthday love!"  
Cass took the cupcake and beamed at Harry,  
"You're so sweet, you're too sweet darling. I love you! But I can't eat this, I'm on a diet..."  
Harry shook his head and grinned once again,  
"You don't need to be on a diet, you're beautiful."  
Cass shoved Harry playfully, but still refused to eat the cupcake because she really was on a diet. So she set the cupcake down and gave Harry a friendly hug. Harry hugged her like he never wanted to let her go and pressed a kiss to the top of her head before releasing her. He waved goodbye and loped away with his own forms filled out very thoroughly.

Book 9: Zayn  
Zayn wasn't given one of the fancy forms for filling out, instead he was given pre filled form that had no mention of his brief tryst with Louis. He laughed to himself realizing the company wanted no paper trail of their relationship. He laughed near hysterics in his room and was surprised when Liam entered his room.  
"You okay Zayn?"  
Zayn couldn't stop laughing but he nodded at Liam. Liam sat next to him on his bed placed a hand on his back, grinning at Zayn like he understood what was so funny.  
"I know, I felt silly filling mine out too."  
Zayn stopped abruptly and looked Liam in the eye as a said,  
"You don't know half the shit I've done in my life. You don't even know me. Get out!"  
Liam slowly stood and backed away. He honestly misjudged this situation and wanted nothing more than to leave this place and pretend nothing ever happened. Zayn was relieved once Liam was gone, but his laughter from before morphed into sobs as he opened the small box in his mind where he locked away all the memories of Louis. He took out the memories and searched for the one he was thinking of specifically, the time he caught Louis asleep in his bed, having failed to sneak out like usually did every night.  
Zayn was shocked when he felt his heart melt at the look of Louis in sleep. Louis never looked innocent, but in sleep he looked like he was happy and innocent. His face fell into this natural, relaxed smile. Zayn ran his finger over Louis's shoulder with admiration for the muscles that jumped at his touch. Louis didn't wake but he stirred a little before settling again. Zayn ran his fingers along Louis's cheek bone and pressed a soft kiss to his shoulder. Louis still didn't wake, he just curled into himself a bit more. Zayn decided to try something and see if he would wake up. Zayn pressed a kiss to Louis's beautiful mouth. At this, Louis woke and returned the tender kiss.  
"Good morning," Zayn mumbled around Louis's lips.  
Louis grinned,  
"I should've left, but I'm glad I didn't. I'm glad I woke up to you."  
Zayn felt like his heart would beat out of his chest and right into Louis's hands. If only Louis knew the affect he had on Zayn, but he must never know, so Zayn ruffled his hair and mumbled,  
"Ditto."  
Louis smiled at Zayn's lack of affection. They both knew that Zayn was a screwed up mess of emotions and he was distant, but even these small responses were a reminder that Zayn actually cared. Louis didn't know how easily he could've broken this seemingly indestructible man with very little more than his ignorance.  
Zayn's memories were bittersweet because he still remembered the way he had wiped away the beautiful smile by calling Louis disgusting. In truth, the disgusting one was Zayn, he'd given up love for money and fame, and how he regretted it every day and especially at night when sleep refused to come and all he was left with was a box of beautiful memories tarnished with time and good intentions.

Book 10: Louis  
Avoiding everyone. Louis had to avoid everyone. Avoid Eleanor so she doesn't know he cheated. Avoid Cass so Harry doesn't kill Louis. Avoid Harry so he doesn't punch Louis. Avoid Zayn because it hurts to see him so happy. Avoid Liam because he is annoying. Avoid 5SOS because who gives a fuck anyway. Avoid everyone. That's what Louis's life had become. What a waste fame was when Louis couldn't use it to do what he wanted.  
He heard a familiar laugh echoing down the hall, and he thought for just a minute that he was dreaming, but then he realized it wasn't his dream. He crept toward Zayn's room and paused when he saw Liam go in. Just as he was turning to go, he heard sobbing after Liam left. Louis sat outside Zayn's door and touched the smooth cold surface, trying to find the courage to go in but his words still stung a year later. Instead, Louis remained outside and tried to remember the words that tore him apart with every sob from Zayn's room. Eventually the sobbing quieted and Louis felt like a creep sitting outside Zayn's room. He stood up and turned to go, stopped by the click of Zayn's door click opening.  
There he was, the most beautiful man in the world. Zayn glared at Louis,  
"The fuck you want?"  
Louis squared his shoulders,  
"Just wondered who was wailing like a fucking baby."  
Zayn scoffed,  
"Whatever. Go away Louis."  
Louis didn't need to be told twice before he walked away and when Louis looked back, he saw Zayn looking after him and decided to flip him off. Zayn didn't look offended, just smirked in turn. That was all that was left of their love. A glare and a finger.

Book 11: Calum  
Calum had become very dependent upon sex to deal with his depression. Having been away from home for so long, he craved the instant high of an orgasm to make it through the day. Most of the time fans would help with that, but he felt like an asshole when he thought about it the next day, making him feel worse than he already did. He felt like he was drowning in a sea of fear and regret. Then he met Sophie.  
Sophie was Cass's roommate and Mikey's crush, but she was so much more than that to Calum. From the day he met her, he felt like he'd been struck by lightning. She was so witty and funny. So different than the way Mikey had described her. Better than the way Cass made her sound. She was fantastic and they took an immediate liking to one another. She was sort of punk rock without trying and she referenced a lot of movies and music he liked. He couldn't help liking her and she was so kind, even gave him her number so he wouldn't be so lonely.  
"Just don't call me at 3 in the morning unless you really want to die. Unless you really do wanna die, then fucking call me so I can talk you off the edge."  
Calum chuckled,  
"You just say whatever comes to mind, don't you?"  
She nodded a little sheepishly,  
"At least you know what I'm thinking..."  
Calum couldn't help it, he swept her into a full on hug and just enjoyed how happy she made him feel without sex.  
"Sophie, will you be my best friend?"  
She grinned and hugged him tighter before releasing him.  
"Yes, Calum. I would be honored to be your best friend."  
Calum felt like he'd found the most important person in his life once Sophie left. He watched Sophie and Mikey say goodbye and she gave him a quick hug, which he followed with a kiss on a cheek that made Sophie blush. Calum couldn't explain precisely why he resented Mikey in that moment, but Calum suddenly wanted to be nowhere near Mikey. Cass found Calum after Sophie left and jabbed her finger in his face as she whispered,  
"Sophie is not a fuck buddy. Do not pretend to be her friend to get in her pants. Got it?"  
Calum really shouldn't have been so scared of a girl that looked harmless, but the protectiveness in her eyes scared the shit out of Calum. He nodded and immediately texted Sophie to inform her that she was not allowed to have sex with him or Mikey because Cass was threatening death. Sophie just laughed and said,  
"Guess I'll be a virgin forever."  
Calum was taken off guard by this, but he was pleasantly surprised that Sophie was a virgin, it made her seem even more darling in his mind. He felt like he needed to protect her from the world. She was delicate and he wanted her to stay the exact same forever.  
They texted back and forth, nonstop for days. Calum honestly worried that Sophie was wasting her time texting and on tumblr, but after a few snap chats of her lame desk job, Calum honestly worried that she was wasting her talents on some bullshit job for the government. She insisted that it was all worth it because someday she would have the job she always wanted, but Calum spent so much time worrying about Sophie in general. He never even noticed that Mikey was growing increasingly angry with him. Not until one day Mikey cornered him after a show, before Calum could text Sophie.  
"What the fuck man?" Mikey shoved Calum, "Why are you trying to steal her away from me?"  
Calum shoved Mikey back,  
"Dude, she isn't property and we are just friends!"  
Mikey threw his hands up,  
"It can't be platonic for both of us! There's one of us she must like as more than a friend, right?"  
Calum stuck his chin out,  
"Obviously she likes one of us, but what does it matter? Why fuck things up with the more than friends shit when you can have her in your life?"  
Mikey got in Calum's face,  
"You like her?!"  
Calum barely had time to register the question before Mikey's fist connected with his face.  
"What the actual fuck guys?" Cass shouted at Calum and Mikey as Calum managed to get him in a headlock. Cass pulled them apart and then Harry was dragging Mikey away and Calum was being pulled away from the fray by Louis.  
"What are you two wankers thinking?" Louis asked.  
"Nothing."  
"It's a girl," Louis conjectured, "isn't it? You dumb ass fucks, girls aren't worth the fight, I promise her pussy is the same as some other girl in the world."  
Calum decked Louis for those words. Sophie wasn't like that and Calum was offended by that. He walked away from Louis and walked to his dressing area to grab his phone and found that he was too late. He'd already missed the call from Sophie.

Book 12: Harry  
Harry dragged Mikey away from Calum and sat him down on a couch in one of the dressing areas.  
"You and Calum need to calm down. You two acting like wankers will only stir up reporters and once they smell blood, they'll start looking for Sophie. Do you want her to become some tabloid scandal involving a three way gone wrong where her reputation is mucked up? She'll never speak to you again. She won't want to see either of you. You will ruin whatever sense of normalcy she has in this life."  
Mikey didn't look at Harry, but he saw the tension slowly release from his bones as Harry's words took effect and Mikey saw reason.  
"I just," Mikey started, "really care about her and I don't want to lose her. And it's only made worse because Calum is the one that's monopolizing her time. Every time I text her, she's always telling me about how I need to look out for Calum because he's feeling down or whatever. I miss the conversations we used to have."  
Harry nodded and put a comforting hand on Mikey's shoulder,  
"Look, she is free to do what she wants with her heart, and if she chooses to love Calum then that's her choice. Your reaction to her choice needs to be positive no matter the outcome because you are the fragile glue that holds your band together. Without you, those boys would fight and break up."  
Mikey scoffed,  
"All they do is make fun of me."  
Harry smiled,  
"Exactly, they pick on you because they all trust you and know that you love them. Do you think Ashton and Luke can get along nearly so well without someone like you to take away the tension? Besides, you fight back, you don't just take it, you dish it out."  
Mikey seemed to be empowered by Harry's words, but there was still a lingering sadness in his eyes. Harry knew that Mikey had given his heart fully to Sophie and now he had reason to question whether or not her heart could return his feelings. Harry knew the feeling, he'd dealt with it when Cass and Louis had been together, but he knew that he had to keep his cool as best he could for the sake of the band.  
"Look," Harry began, "I've been where you are and fighting with your band mates is hard, but sometimes all you have to do is make the decision to be happy no matter what. It's the only way I could've made it through most days. Hang in there."  
Mikey shook his head,  
"I don't want to lose her...she's one of the most important people in my life..."  
Harry felt like he was talking to some alternate personality inside himself, but he had no more answers for Mikey than himself. He brushed his long hair to side and smiled at Mikey,  
"That's how I feel about someone too. You should tell her these things because there's nothing I can tell you."  
Harry made the decision right then to find Cass and tell her that he cared for her because everyday without her knowing was hell on earth. He left Mikey in search of Cass.  
He found her sitting on an amp and yelling at someone over the phone. There was something about Cass that always made Harry feel like his every cell was a live wire. He was always conscious of exactly how far away she was from him. He missed her even when he was right beside her and when he went a day without seeing her it was hell. She was beauty, not just pretty but kind and compassionate. She was bewitching, the small smiles she shared with only Sophie and him. She was vibrant and alive in every way humanly possible. There was so much about her that he loved, but so much he didn't know. He didn't know anything about her family or her aspirations outside of the music business, like whether or not she wanted kids or to be married.  
She finished on the phone and looked around like she knew someone was watching. Harry emerged from the shadows and smiled at Cass, she smiled back and the tension in her shoulders melted away.  
"Hey Harry, how's Mikey? I was on the phone with Sophie earlier and she said she was going to try and talk some sense into Calum and Mikey. I can't believe they were so stupid."  
Harry sat next to her and took her hand.  
"Cass, I need to talk to you."  
She looked back at him nervously and nodded. He squeezed her hand,  
"I have a confession to make," his throat was dry and scratchy, "I care about you and-", she interrupted,  
"Harry, please don't. Please don't tell me this because if you do this we can't be friends. I need you and I can't do another Louis."  
Harry felt like he had been shot in the heart, except he expected it would've hurt less to be shot. He stood up and walked a few feet away before turning to say,  
"I care about you and I think we should spend some time apart because I'm getting too attached. You're just an intern and you'll be gone once this tour is over so if you could give me some space, that would be nice," he stiffly muttered a thank you before leaving. He didn't want her to see him cry. He walked around the performing arena aimlessly, hoping that distance would make him feel less like he'd been rejected. He ran into Calum when he turned the corner, Calum was on the phone, in tears, as he pleaded with the phone.  
"Don't say that. Don't pretend there's nothing between us. I love you and I'll do anything to stay by your side, please!?"  
Harry stared at him, he was happily wearing his heart on his sleeve and begging for the love he desired. Suddenly, Calum looked like he'd been stabbed, and then he stopped talking, the phone falling out of his hand and crashing against the floor. He looked at Harry and said,  
"She said she loves me, but that Cass said she couldn't talk to me or Mikey anymore. She's the only person who makes me feel like I can breathe. What can I do?"  
Harry shook his head,  
"Nothing, when a woman doesn't want to hear that you love her, she won't. You'll probably be alone forever or surrounded by people who don't care about you. Just learn to get used to it Calum."  
Then Harry stood and left Calum, a mess on the floor, sobbing. Harry figured he should look for Mikey and make sure he was okay.  
When he did find Mikey, he looked like he had been punched in the face. He stared directly head, not seeing anything. Harry thought about Cass and how he felt about her and how easily she had caused this much pain in one night. Poor Sophie and Calum and Mikey, so easily ordered to forget each other and unable to do it. Harry felt his feelings begin to sour and turn to bitter hatred. He didn't understand why Cass would do this. He wanted to demand she fix it all but he also didn't want to see her. He nursed his broken heart with the newfound hatred for the woman he'd cared for so much. He wondered at the fine line between love and hate and when he'd crossed it.

Book 13: Sophie  
Sophie grabbed a pint of chocolate ice cream and stared at the picture of chocolate on the carton. She wanted to call Calum and tell him about the terrible day she'd had at work because she found out that one of the kids she tried so desperately to help was found dead. She knew it was probably out of her hands but that boy was trying to find a way out of the gang violence in his neighborhood. He had dreams, and now he was dead because she couldn't save him.  
She'd pulled her phone out to call Calum or Mikey about twenty times, but then she remembered Cass threatening to kick her out of their apartment if she didn't stop talking to both of them. She tried to call Cass, but she hadn't answered. She wouldn't understand anyway.  
Sophie took the pint out of the shopping bag and took a spoon out of the drawer in the kitchen of the small apartment. She dug into the creamy chocolate when there was a knock on the front door. She left her ice cream on the counter and went to check who it was. She looked through the peep hole and saw a mess of dark hair and a familiar face. It was as though he had been sent by God to save her, like a knight in shining armor. She threw the door open, tears in her eyes, as Calum smiled at her.  
They embraced and Calum kissed the top of her head. She held him as close as she could, refusing to let him go for the longest time. She was sobbing in his strong arms and he happily held her because that was who Calum was with her. He was the guy who loved her unconditionally and didn't mind holding her as she cried, even though her tears would ruin his expensive clothing.  
"Shhhh...," he whispered, "it's gonna be okay. I'm here. I won't leave until you tell me to."  
This elicited more sobs, and when Sophie finally had control of herself, she released Calum and said,  
"I missed you."  
He smiled down at her and nodded,  
"I missed you too. Don't ever listen to Cass again."  
Sophie nodded and gave him another quick hug before pulling him out of the entryway. She pulled out a second spoon and they ate ice cream in silence, until Sophie finally told Calum about the boy. Calum comforted her, held her and told her that it wasn't her fault. She didn't believe it, but she knew that Calum wouldn't lie to her, so his words slowly started to permeate her heart and give her some relief.  
Sophie dared to ask,  
"How's Mikey?"  
Calum gave her a sad smile,  
"He's heartbroken. He doesn't leave his room except for performances and shoves me every chance he gets. We were both miserable without you, but I told him that I was going to come see you during our short break this week and he said he didn't want to come. He swore he never wanted to see or speak to you again. He's hurt. He's hurt because you didn't even give him a reason. You gave me a reason, but you didn't tell him about Cass."  
Sophie nodded,  
"He just would've wanted to keep talking in defiance of her rules and Cass was threatening to kick me out of our apartment. I couldn't risk it, but I knew you would understand."  
Calum shook his head furiously,  
"No, I didn't, but now I do. I've come to make you an offer," Calum stood up and grinned,  
"You are miserable without me and Mikey. Mikey and I are miserable without you. I want you to move to Australia and move into an apartment with me. Now, before you say no, it's only temporary, for the summer, until you can find a small but affordable place here to live. There will be nothing romantic between us, just two people living together symbiotically. It's just something to get you out from under Cass's thumb."  
Sophie stared at Calum like he had three heads and then she laughed,  
"You would do that for me? You're crazy Calum, you barely know me and you'd move in with me?! Geez!"  
Calum stared at her with his most serious expression, so her laughter quieted and she finally realized he was being absolutely serious.  
"Calum, I can't, I have a job here and I can't leave Cass like that. We are supposed to be friends."  
Calum shook his head,  
"What kind of friend threatens to kick you out if you don't stop talking to your friends?"  
Sophie deflated and defeated whispered,  
"I don't know...can I do this Calum?"  
Calum nodded in response, and Sophie slowly started to imagine doing this with Calum, but she didn't know what to do about her career.  
"I can't just quit my job Calum."  
He grinned again,  
"You can because my mom already knows a place you can work at in Sydney that will keep you on track to your dream job."  
Sophie shook her head and felt a grin spreading across her face.  
"Yes Calum. Yes!"  
Calum took her in his arms and hugged her as tightly as he could. She felt like she couldn't breathe, but she also felt free.  
"When?" Sophie asked.  
"May." Calum answered and then he hugged her again and said, "go call Mikey and put him out of his misery."  
She shook her head,  
"No one can know because Cass will find out, but as soon as I'm gone, I'll call him." Calum smiled and Sophie had the sudden urge to kiss him. So she kissed Calum, just a peck on the lips, but when she pulled back, Calum looked like he'd seen heaven. He leaned in tentatively and pressed his lips to hers. This kiss was longer, slower, and suddenly his mouth was moving against hers and his arms were encircling her. His hand slid up into her hair and her hands were sliding up his arms. That's when Sophie's phone started ringing and they broke apart. Calum walked on the other side of the counter from her, like he needed to put some distance between him and Sophie.  
Cass was calling and Sophie thought about answering but let it go to voicemail because she didn't trust herself to speak with Cass. Then she looked at Calum who was studying the countertop like it was trigonometry instead of linoleum.  
"Calum," Sophie started, but words failed her. Calum looked up from the counter and they locked eyes for a moment. Calum slowly approached Sophie, keeping a good three feet away from her when he finally stood still.  
"We can't do that," Calum said, "if we do that then we can't live together because you'll grow tired of me one day and I'll lose you forever. Besides," Calum whispered, "you have Mikey."  
Sophie nodded but she felt like a small piece of her heart had broken in her chest. She completely agreed and disagreed with what Calum was saying. They couldn't be romantically involved, it would make things weird, but she wanted him. She really and truly wanted him. Wanted his heart and his body. Though she would never admit it out loud, she wanted to be with him intimately. She could imagine waking up beside him and being entirely content with him taking her virginity because he would love her. But he was right. Except,  
"I don't have Mikey. You aren't my second choice, just so you know."  
Calum looked at her, genuine surprise etched in his features. He looked torn and she could see her inner battle raging on his face.  
"I love you Sophie."  
"I love you too Calum."  
He took a step towards her,  
"Do you really want this? Us?"  
Sophie felt like she couldn't speak because her mouth was so dry and her throat was so tight, her fear choking the life out of her. She managed a nod and Calum took another step towards her, now standing toe to toe.  
"Are you sure?"  
She put a hand on his chest, felt his heart racing, and found her voice,  
"Yes."  
His mouth was on hers again, more insistent. His hands wrapped around her waist as he pulled her toward him. She gasped and his tongue licked into her mouth, caressing and teasing her tongue to come out. She mimicked him and realized with pride that she was French kissing someone for the first time. His hand tangled in her hair, gently tugging it to get a better angle on her mouth. She found her own hands in his hair and on his neck, looking for any purchase, desperately searching for something that she didn't entirely understand. Calum broke away, moving to her neck, as she gasped for air. Delightful sensations ran throughout her body as his lips found all the most sensitive areas and ravaged them, kissing, sucking, biting, nipping at them until his mouth found hers again. They stayed like that for so long, not daring to move beyond kissing, but not wanting to stop.  
Finally, Sophie made the first move and pulled away from Calum, taking his hand, pulling him toward her room. He seemed surprised by her courage, but happy to comply with her wishes. He followed her upstairs and into her room. She shut the door and he pressed her up against it, finding her mouth again with ease. He slid his hand down her neck and chest to her breasts, giving both attention as Sophie's hands slid up under his shirt. She felt the muscles, well-defined, flex and relax under her fingers. She pressed her hand over his heart and felt it hammering like her own.  
"Calum," she managed around his mouth, "I want you."  
He nodded and pulled her away from the door, leading her to the bed. He took off his shirt and shoes, laying down on the covers, waiting for her to lay down beside him or changer her mind. Sophie shed her own shirt and took off her pants as well. She crawled on top of Calum and he leaned up to kiss her, unhooking her bra with ease. He worshipped her body, making her feel like a goddess instead of a little virgin. Then he rolled so that he was on top, he managed to get his pants off pulled and Sophie's panties were easily removed.  
He sat back on his heels suddenly and asked one last time,  
"Are you completely sure?"  
Sophie didn't bother nodding, she leaned up and answered him with a deep and wet kiss. Her panties were gone and his boxers quickly disposed of. Then he slowly adjusted Sophie's legs, pushing them apart and wide. His fingers found their way inside of Sophie and she moaned as pleasure wracked through her body for the first time. He continued to tease her with his long, strong fingers, but he eventually pulled them out. He slid the condom on his length and slowly eased himself inside of Sophie. She gasped and her body tightened around him. He leaned down to kiss her, pulling out, and then slowly pushed back in. Sophie knew losing your virginity wasn't entirely pleasurable for a woman, but the way Calum moved inside of her wasn't painful or entirely uncomfortable. In fact, she rather found herself enjoying the feeling of him inside, like they were one whole instead of two people. She couldn't stop the small sounds that escaped her mouth, but they were soon joined by Calum's own sounds. It was gross how sweaty they both were but Sophie loved Calum's scent. She loved the feeling of his body on hers, crushing and commanding. She loved the long groans and growls that escaped his mouth. She loved being this close. Then she felt his body tense and relax as he cried out her name and came. He rolled off to the side, collapsing from the sheer pleasure and exertion of his activities. Sophie was content, but she hadn't noticed his hand slowly making its way toward her sex. His fingers slid inside of her, quickly sending shockwaves through her and pushing her towards her own climax. She came so sudden and fast that she moaned Calum's name and felt her whole body explode with her orgasm.  
They didn't speak the rest of the evening, Calum pulled Sophie into his arms and spooned her. They must've fallen asleep because when she woke up, it dawn. She watched the sunlight outline Calum's body. He was still there and he looked like the most beautiful disaster she'd ever seen. His hair was a mess, sticking out in all directions, looking like some wild animal was nesting in it. His mouth was slightly open and snoring quietly. He looked so innocent in sleep and Sophie could only marvel at him. He was beautiful and adorable and sexy all at once. She pressed a kiss to his forehead before she slowly maneuvered her way out of the bed and his mess of limbs. She went to the bathroom, deciding to clean herself up a bit. She tried to brush through her hair that was worse than Calum's, but gave up, deciding a shower would dispose of the problem much more quickly than her brush. Once showered, she went downstairs to the kitchen to find some food.  
Finally, after Sophie started cooking the pancakes, Calum made his way downstairs.  
"Good morning." Sophie smiled Calum gave her a lazy half smile as he nodded. He came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. He was wearing only his boxers. Sophie was in her Saturday morning pajamas that had pictures of cats on them and were some what embarrassing. However, standing with Calum behind her in her pajamas after what they did the night before, she wasn't all that embarrassed at all.  
"What are you making?" Calum asked, voice thick with sleep.  
"Pancakes," Sophie smiled at the batter, "you should go get cleaned up, breakfast will be ready when you're done."  
Calum shook his head,  
"I don't wanna miss a single moment I have with you."  
Sophie's heart exploded with warmth and happy feelings as his words sunk in. She nodded and continued making breakfast with him standing behind her the whole time. He didn't waste a single moment the whole day and she wondered if she should've been bothered by it, but she enjoyed it. She was happy with Calum and when he had to leave, Sophie nearly refused to let him go. That was, until he mentioned that he'd be back in a few hours, he just needed some clothes.  
Sophie and Calum were happy together with every stolen moment that they could manage. They didn't dare to tell anyone, but Calum visited Sophie as often as he could and Sophie tried to visit Cass more often to be near him. Sophie never really ran into Mikey. He avoided her and for some reason, Sophie was relieved as if she had feelings for him, but of course she didn't.  
Did she?

Book 14: Cass  
Cass found it extremely difficult to do any work when everyone seemed to have a reason to avoid her. Mikey and Calum were upset because Cass ordered Sophie to stop talking to them. Harry was keeping his distance because Cass refused to let him admit his feelings to her. She knew that she couldn't waste her time on another unprofessional dalliance with an artist. Louis was still avoiding her because of what happened between them.  
Cass's job was to help manage both bands, specifically their love lives and any resulting scandals. Originally she had been assigned to Louis because the company was most worried about his romantic life, but since they'd been together, she was reassigned to Mikey and Calum because they were both suspiciously less active in their love lives. Since Sophie stopped talking to both of them, there had been very little activity on Mikey's part outside of shows. Calum had been acting very suspiciously recently.  
After a short break, Calum returned to the tour walking on air he was so happy, but according to what he'd told Cass and what she gathered, there was nothing romantic involved.  
Cass kept an especially close eye on Calum, but she was confused when Sophie called and planned to visit her while she was with the two boys that probably wanted to see her the least. Cass decided she needed Sophie's advice with Calum, they'd been close and maybe she could give Cass some insight into the mind of Calum. Sophie arrived and it seemed she basically disappeared. Cass saw very little of her and when Sophie left, it was with little more than a hug and well-wishes.  
Cass didn't understand what happened, but Sophie was gone and Calum was even more secretive. Mikey was still depressed, but he managed to make a few more appearances. He seemed to be more bitter but no worse for wear as far as Cass could tell.  
Eventually, Cass got fed up with Calum walking around so happy, so while he was performing, she went through his phone and was shocked. Sophie was texting him, she called him two or three times a day. She read some of the texts to gauge how long this had been going on but what she found nearly knocked her on her ass.  
Calum: hey babe, how you doing? :)  
Sophie: missing you. I miss waking up next to you and your terrible sex hair ;)  
Calum: I miss the way your skin feels. I nearly cried the other night when I sang amnesia because I thought about you. I never want to lose you.  
Sophie: I'm not going anywhere. I love you sweetie ^_^  
Calum: what will happen when you see Mikey again? You haven't seen him since we slept together...  
Sophie: I told you that you weren't my second choice. I gave you my virginity because I wanted to, not because you were my default.  
Calum: I miss being inside you.  
Sophie: I miss being able to hold you.  
Calum: I can't believe you picked me.  
Sophie: I can't believe you picked me either.  
Calum: I love you. I'll always love you.  
Sophie: ditto lovey. Gotta go, work and stuff. Love you.  
Calum: I'll talk to you after my show tonight. I love you.  
Cass realized that not only was her friend dating Calum, but sleeping with him behind her back. Sophie had given her virginity to Calum and Calum was completely in love with her. Cass wanted to keep snooping through Calum's phone, but she knew that 5SOS's show would end soon and didn't want to get caught. Still, curiosity got the best of her, so she kept reading.  
Sophie: Calum, I think we should talk about what happened between us.  
Calum: what do you mean?  
Sophie: I don't regret it, but what does this mean? Are we together? Are we fuckbuddies? What about Mikey?  
Calum: I'm entirely in love with you. What about Mikey?  
Sophie: well, he's your band mate and I don't want you to lose his friendship because of me...  
Calum: I love you. It's gonna take more than Mikey to make me stop and he doesn't even have to know.  
Sophie: you're right. Just don't tell Cass, I don't want to lose you again or get thrown out on my ass.  
Calum: I've seen that ass, it's too fine to be thrown out on.  
Sophie: get your mind on the business.  
Calum: can't, I just keep thinking of how you cried out my named and I just really need you.  
Sophie: come see me.  
Calum: can't, come see me?  
Sophie: when?  
Calum: Tulsa? A week from now?  
Sophie: I'll be there.  
Calum: do you have a snapchat?  
Sophie: yeah, but I'm not gonna send you nudes.  
Calum: I know, but snapchats are easier to hide. Anyone can see my texts.  
Sophie: true but how do pictures help with seeing?  
Calum: I don't know. I guess they don't.  
Sophie: one week and then you can do whatever you want to me.  
Calum: whatever I want?  
Sophie: within reason.  
Calum: will you give me head? I've always had this fantasy of your beautiful lips on my cock.  
Sophie: I can try, I won't promise it will be good.  
Calum: doesn't have to be perfect. I can coach you. Giving head is sort of a life skill.  
Sophie: oh yeah, right up there with changing a tire and self defense.  
Calum: exactly;)  
Suddenly, Cass wasn't alone.  
"What are you doing with Calum's phone?" Harry asked. Cass slowly turned and in a rush said,  
"He's fucking my friend behind my back."  
Harry stared at her with apathy in his eyes,  
"Well, you didn't exactly give them the option of having an open and honest a relationship with you when you act like the Queen of Sheba."  
"Shut up Harry," Cass yelled now pissed at Calum and Sophie and Harry.  
Harry got in her personal space.  
"Make me."  
Cass was so angry, so betrayed, so enraged that she lost all self control and shoved Harry. Harry's eyes lit up with anger,  
"Don't touch me!"  
Cass scoffed,  
"As if you care if I touch you. You wanted to be with me. You probably still fantasize about me giving you head!"  
Harry's anger grew and he got in Cass's face,  
"Maybe I do but not about you! I'd rather have a snake give me head!"  
"Oh yeah? Why? Your dick that small?"  
Harry started to storm off but Cass got in his face so I he grabbed her face and pressed his lips against hers. Cass wanted to hate this kiss, wanted to hate Harry, but his lips were soft and inviting and his heart was pure and loving. Cass must've been the one to escalate the kiss because suddenly they were full on making out on the couch in the dressing room. Then Harry pulled back and shook his head,  
"This isn't right Cass. This isn't how I want this to happen."  
Cass was disappointed that he was refusing her, but was hurt by the disgust in his eyes as he said,  
"You hurt your best friend to get your way. I don't want to be with someone capable of so much ugliness."  
With that, Harry left Cass alone to think about all she had done and all that she wanted to do.

Book 15: Louis  
Zayn looked so sexy standing by the window in Louis's room, in all his naked glory. Louis pretended to sleep because he didn't want the ease and contentment to leave Zayn's face, not yet.  
Louis could live in his memories of the time with Zayn for a lifetime, but they were memories of the past and in the present he was facing Perry Edwards. She was classically beautiful and he thought that Zayn was right in choosing her to marry.  
"Hello Louis," she whispered, "how are you?"  
Louis put on a polite smile as he answered,  
"I'm fine."  
Perry nodded and continued,  
"I'm worried that Zayn is over working himself on this tour. He doesn't seem himself. Do you think you could keep an eye on him? I know you two were close at one point and that he trusts you."  
Louis shook his head,  
"No Perry, I can't. We were once close but we aren't anymore and I wouldn't be helpful."  
Perry frowned,  
"Who is he close to? If not you, then who is it he trusts?"  
Louis shrugged, trying to seem truly confused, rather than hurt. He honestly couldn't remember anyone Zayn trusted. He thought that Perry was the only person he really talked to, but the picture Perry painted, Louis could see that Zayn probably didn't have anyone he trusted anymore. He never trusted Louis, but a small piece of him took pride in the fact that Perry thought Zayn trusted him. That there was some remnant of intimacy between them. There wasn't.  
Zayn was an island that Louis could see from where he was, but he could never reach that island. Not by boat. Not by swimming. Not by flying. Zayn didn't want Louis on his island. Perry was on that island most of the time, she never had to stand on a shore so far away that he could barely see the man, but close enough that he could still marvel at his beauty.  
Louis left Perry and looked for Harry. He needed someone to talk to and Harry was the only one who knew about him and Zayn and wouldn't judge him for not being able to move on. Louis couldn't find Harry, but he stumbled across quite a sight. Calum was wrapped around some girl, his hands running up and down her body. Louis recognized this girl as Cass's friend that had been forbidden to speak to Calum or Mikey. She was the girl Miley and Calum had fought over. Louis was surprised to see the Calum won the girl, most girls wanted someone like Mikey who was romantic and gentle, but it was obvious from the way she responded to his touch that she didn't mind Calum's touch. Louis smiled to himself a bit because he finally knew why Calum had been walking on air for the past two weeks. The mystery had been solved for Louis.  
He only left the couple to their privacy when he noticed his own dick hardening. He decided he should probably keep this to himself, considering that Cass had threatened to kick Sophie out of their apartment. Louis was walking around aimlessly, wondering where the hell Harry was when he ran into Mikey.  
"Hey," Louis started, "how are you doing Mike?"  
Mikey shook his head,  
"Shitty as fuck. You?"  
"Pretty fucked up too. What's going wrong in your life?"  
"Sophie..." That was all Mikey would say. Louis felt bad because Sophie obviously picked Calum over Mikey and Mikey was still infatuated with her.  
Louis threw his arm around Mikey, which was quite a feat considering their height difference.  
"You wanna forget all about our troubles?"  
Mikey nodded, an insincere smile creeping into his face. Louis steered him toward the doors to the building.  
"Let's go to a club and use our considerable fame to get some random chicks to lay."  
Mikey nodded and gave Louis a half-hearted smile before heading to the door.  
At the club, Louis watched as Michael refused the women that brought him drinks, but happily downed the shots of liquid. Mikey was totally knackered by the time Louis had one drink. Louis quickly realized that Mikey was going to cause a scene if he got anymore alcohol in his system. Louis panicked, knowing that Cass would kill him for taking Mikey out like this. He called a very annoyed Harry to beg him for help, but Harry refused,  
"No, I'm not going to help you when you have ignored me for weeks now. Call someone else."  
Louis called Liam and Niall but they both refused to help. He tried Luke and Ashton, but neither answered his calls. Finally, Louis called the only person that might be willing to help him because he cared about Louis's well being,  
"Zayn?"  
Zayn sounded annoyed and sleepy,  
"Louis?"  
"Yeah," Louis answered, "I'm in some trouble, I took Mikey to a club downtown and now he's knackered and I don't think I can get him home on my own."  
Zayn sighed,  
"What club?"  
"The silver medal."  
"Be there in a little bit. Just try to keep Mikey in check until I get there."  
Louis did as he was told and Mikey seemed to keep still despite his inebriated state. Louis asked,  
"Are you okay Mikey?"  
Mikey stared at him without seeing,  
"Sophie? Sophie, I'm so sorry... I should've told you how I felt ages ago but I'm in love with you. Pick me, choose me, love me!"  
Mikey's hands shook as he tried to reach Louis's face. Louis ducked his touches but he could tell that Mikey was really and truly drunk, so he tried to tell him,  
"Mikey, she picked Calum."  
Mikey shook his head violently.  
"No, she wouldn't, she told me she thought she loved me. She wouldn't just pick Calum over me. Why would anyone pick Calum over me? I'm Mikey, I'm the romantic one. What's Calum? He's a little manwhore! He couldn't love her like I love her. He doesn't even know what love is."  
Louis nodded, surprised Mikey hadn't slurred his words, though he did have to speak really slowly. Louis tried again,  
"I saw them together. Calum was fondling her breasts. If they aren't together then she's really easy."  
Mikey turned on Louis.  
"Don't call her that! She's pure."  
Louis couldn't help himself,  
"A pure whore."  
Mikey slugged him. Even drunk, Mikey had a great right hook. Louis grabbed his jaw and felt where Mikey's fist connected with his face. When he looked up, he saw Zayn come out of nowhere and deck Mikey. Mikey fell back on the couch, knocked out from the blow and Zayn looked like some sort of dark prince. His eyes were ablaze with some form of possessive protectiveness and as his gaze shifted from Mikey to Louis, Louis's blood boiled with desire. He wanted to throw himself at Zayn, but as soon as they locked eyes, Zayn's face went blank. Louis tried not to cry as it felt like someone slid a blade between his ribs, directly to his heart. He stood up and started to heave Mikey off of the couch, Zayn copied his actions and together they got Mikey safely from the club to the SUV parked out front. Louis sat up front and Zayn drove. They sat in an uneasy silence all the way back to the hotel.  
"What were you thinking Louis?"  
Zayn was angry and Louis understood why he would be, it was two in the morning and they had a show tomorrow. However, Louis found himself saying the dumbest thing,  
"I was thinking about sleeping with some stupid chicks to forget what it feels like to have you inside me. I brought the sack of shit along because he wanted to forget his own troubles."  
Zayn was quiet for a moment, gripping the steering wheel too tightly when he pulled the car into the parking lot and parked it. He turned to Louis and there was some emotion in his eyes that Louis didn't recognize, but it looked like agony and defeat. Zayn reached across the console and placed his hand on Louis's cheek.  
"Do you know how beautiful you are?" Zayn whispered, "So beautiful and lovely. I wish I could hate you."  
Zayn pressed his lips to Louis's forehead before retreating back into his mind. It was the most expressive Zayn had ever been with him, even when they were together, Zayn never said such things. They carried Mikey up to his room and parted ways with nothing more than a shared look. Louis couldn't stop thinking about what Zayn said.  
Finally, Louis went to talk to Zayn, to ask him what tonight was all about. He opened his door and found Zayn standing right there. Louis was confused, but he didn't have time to react because Zayn's mouth was on his. Louis pulled Zayn into his room, shutting the door. Zayn pulled at Louis's shirt and ripped it off. Louis gently pulled Zayn's tshirt off and ran his hands up and down the beautiful body beneath; he missed the little smattering of dark chest hair and perfect abdomen. Zayn pushed Louis's pants off and dropped to his knees, mouthing at Louis's hard cock. Louis gripped Zayn's hair to try and guide his head, but Zayn didn't stay down there long. All too soon, Zayn's hand found Louis's hole and Zayn was fingering him open. The rest of the night was a haze of pleasure and beauty as Louis and Zayn had the most amazing sex.  
When Louis woke up the next morning, Zayn was still asleep and he realized in that moment that Zayn could never be his. He pressed a gentle kiss to Zayn's perfect shoulder and then he disappeared, leaving Zayn like he would any other one night stand. Truth was that Louis and Zayn had only ever shared a collection of one night stands and tender moments that passed too quickly. Louis felt like shit the rest of the day and he didn't see Zayn the rest of the week. Perry and Zayn were photographed at a new restaurant and Zayn looked happy, so Louis assumed that their night was just a fluke. A momentary weakness on Zayn's part. Louis drowned his sorrows, for they were many and multiplying.

Book 16: Luke  
So much drama took place around Luke now that he barely had time to absorb any of it. There was the whole love triangle with Mikey and Calum and Sophie that had Luke dizzy for days. Then there was Louis and Zayn pointedly ignoring each other for some unknown reasons. Then there was Harry and Cass, they were massive idiots that refused to admit their feelings for one another, but they wanted each other badly. Luke loved the excitement of watching these people trip over their lies or each other and nearly be caught.  
Then there was Agnes, an annoying little intern that was brought in to help Cass manage Mikey and Calum. Agnes was assigned directly to Calum and told to find out and keep whatever relationships he had quiet. Mikey was still assigned to Cass, but it was a waste of resources and money because Mikey was celibate. Always had been, always would be. Luke saw how completely gone Mikey was with Sophie, it was irrational for him to waste time on a girl he wasn't allowed to have, but Luke admired the songs that came out of Mikey's broken heart. Alas, Luke's favorite drama was that of Calum and the mystery girl he was obviously fucking. Luke had his many spies and sources, but none of them could pinpoint the exact identity of the mystery girl and Luke was rather annoyed that he'd had to pay them at all.  
With all that was going on, Luke barely noticed the sudden change in Ashton. Ashton was becoming more temperamental and grumpy, he kept demanding that the band have meetings about the goings on of Calum's love life, but never pressed the issue. Ashton almost seemed jealous now that Calum was with some girl. This also intrigued Luke, made him wonder if the once painfully straight drummer was just a tad bit crooked when it came to his ex-fuckbuddy.  
Drama filled the air with static as the tour raced to an end where Cass and Harry must finally face their feelings, Calum must finally reveal his lover in the night time, Louis and Zayn fess up to their own feelings, and Sophie must finally make her choice between Calum and Mikey. Luke couldn't wait.

Book 17: Cass  
Cass decided to confront Sophie three weeks from the end of the tour because she felt like she'd waited long enough for Sophie to fess up.  
"Soph," Cass started over the phone, "I know you've been seeing Calum behind my back."  
Sophie didn't respond at first, instead she sighed and seemed to wait patiently for Cass's chastisement.  
"Sophie? Don't you have anything to say for yourself? Any reason to offer for this betrayal?"  
Sophie sighed again,  
"Look Cass, I've been meaning to talk to you about me and Calum. Thing is that we just sort of happened, there wasn't a leading up to period, it was just like we saw each other for the first time in awhile and we had sex. Then we were in a relationship, but now...now I don't know what we are," Sophie choked up a little, "I've made a huge mistake Cass. I love him, I love everything about him, but I don't know if I can do this..."  
Cass fumbled for words, she wanted to be angry and betrayed by Sophie, but Sophie needed her friend and roommate. Cass put aside her anger, deciding to forgive Sophie and hear her out because she loved Sophie more than her own pride.  
"What do you mean Sophie? How could you have made a mistake? He loves you too."  
Sophie sobbed,  
"I know, but I'm late. I don't mean like a week late, I mean I haven't had my period in over a month and I can hardly keep any food down...I think I'm pregnant and I'm scared. I can't do this Cass. I can't have a baby, I have an entire future ahead of me. I'm not supposed to procreate for another ten years!"  
Cass tried to soothe Sophie, but an unplanned pregnancy wasn't like getting laid off or fired, it didn't get better after time passed. At least, not always.  
"Have you told Calum?"  
She didn't answer for a long time,  
"I'm thinking of aborting it. If I tell him then he will want me to keep it, and I don't think I can do that."  
"What?!" Cass shrieked, "you can't abort your baby, it's wrong!"  
Sophie laughed,  
"What do you want me to do then Cass? Want me to keep it? Marry Calum? Settle down with a rockstar? Does that seem like a sound life plan to you?"  
Cass shook her head, pacing the floor of her hotel room,  
"No, you're right, but there's always adoption..."  
Sophie sighed,  
"I'd still have to tell him. You and I both know that he'll want to do the honorable thing, but I can't marry him, he's the only guy I've ever been with and the only man I've slept with. I mean, the sex is great, but I'm supposed to sleep with at least two men before I settle. What should I do?"  
Cass took a deep breath,  
"Look, you said you aren't sure. Go to the doctor, find out what the prognosis is, call me, and we will talk it over. We will find a solution, okay Soph?"  
She sniffled,  
"Okay. But I'm still so scared..."  
"Just breathe honey, it's all gonna be fine, I promise."  
Cass hung up with Sophie and tried to go to bed, but sleep evaded her. She couldn't imagine Sophie as a mom, as it was, Sophie could barely stand to be in the same room with a small child. Cass tossed and turned all night, trying to find a solution for the problem of Sophie's bun in the oven, but there wasn't a solution that would satisfy everyone except abortion and that was wrong on so many levels.  
The next day passed in a haze as Cass stared at her phone, waiting to hear from Sophie. Cass knew she looked bad, but when Harry so easily snuck up on her, she realized that she needed more than coffee and concealer to hide the sleepless night.  
"You look terrible." Harry whispered, standing off to the side of Cass's peripheral vision. They were sitting in hair in make up, Cass was trying to keep an eye on Mikey, who was busy trying to convince his stylist that his hair could be messier. Harry looked like he'd already been through hair and make up. He was stunning, but that was no change, Harry was always stunning and dazzling and charming. Even when Cass was mad at him, he still managed to be perfect in her mind. He reminded her of a black and white movie star, dynamic and complex with so little. She couldn't think of a response to his statement, so she stood, deciding that she should get more coffee.  
"Are you okay?" Genuine concern laced Harry's voice as he followed her to the coffee table. Cass put on her most winning smile,  
"I'm fine."  
Harry shook his head,  
"You need sleep Cass. You should go lie down, I can keep an eye on Mikey."  
Cass shook her head,  
"I can't quite put my finger on you Harry. I can't figure out where we stand. One minute you're practically trying to confess your feelings, the next you're calling me disgusting. Is this how you treat your friends or are you trying to encourage affection? Because you need to rethink your approach in general."  
Harry grinned,  
"There she is. I was worried for a minute you might actually be nice to me."  
Cass rolled her eyes and returned to her seat with a cup of black coffee, hoping that it didn't taste as bad as it looked.  
"So what's up?"  
Cass tried to find some excuse but she was too tired, so she just said,  
"I'm waiting to hear from a friend."  
Harry nodded and seemed to accept that this was all he would get,  
"You need to rest Cass. Whatever it is, it can wait. You need to go get some sleep."  
Cass refused,  
"I can sleep when I'm dead."  
Harry shook his head, concern etched in his very being. He seemed to hover over Cass the rest of the morning, but when sound check finally came up, he was forced to leave Cass alone. Luckily, this was when Sophie called.  
"Well?" Cass asked impatiently.  
"Calum is a fertile bastard."  
"What are you gonna do?" Cass whispered,  
"Abortion? Adoption? Keep it?"  
Sophie sighed,  
"I'm in the same place I was in last night. I can't really afford to keep it financially, and I know Calum can't either. He would insist he could, but he needs to work to get his band off the ground entirely, not worry about a baby. I don't want to tell him. I don't think I can."  
Cass nodded and then realized that Sophie couldn't see her,  
"I don't know what you should do either... But you could always break things off with Calum, have the baby, give it up, and attempt to return to some sense of normalcy."  
Sophie's breath caught,  
"You're right," her voice broke, "but how can I do that to him? He's my first love...this isn't how things are supposed to end between us. We were supposed to have more time..."  
Cass sighed,  
"I know it sucks Soph, but that's all I can come up with to solve the main problem. I'm sorry, but first loves do end."  
Sophie barked a harsh laugh,  
"Yeah, usually once someone finds the porn collection or they get tired of each other. It's not supposed to be this way. We were so careful, condoms and birth control. I don't know how this even happened. It literally defies the odds, a one in a million kind of fluke."  
Cass wanted to insist it was fate and that things would be fine, but when she thought about the logistics, it wouldn't be okay. Sophie couldn't make it work, not without sacrificing something. Her career, her relationship, or her moral high ground.  
"I'm sorry Soph. It's a one in a million mistake, I'm sorry. Just do what's right by you. Either you keep it and give up your career, you give up Calum, or you give up your morals. It's up to you. Let me know what you decide. I gotta go."  
Sophie muttered a goodbye that was nearly unrecognizable because her voice was so thick with emotions. Cass found herself thanking the universe that this hadn't happened to her because her first love had been sixteen and an absolute dick. Her heart went out to Sophie because of the choices she had to make, but Sophie was grown up and had to make her own mistakes. Cass felt like an over protective sister, she had fantasies of helping Sophie raise this child, but she knew that neither one of them could afford a baby. Sophie would probably wind up having to go ask her older sister for help because her sister was her only living relative. Her sister would insist on her living with her in Maryland, which would set Sophie back on her career, but she could keep the baby and raise it with her sister. But then there was always adoption and Sophie could have the baby, take maternity leave and return six week later no worse for wear. Cass made herself dizzy chasing all the different solutions, only to wind up exactly where she started. She could only imagine Sophie's state of mind.  
"Excuse me," Calum said, "but do you happen to know where I could charge my phone? It died and I'm waiting on a call from my girlfriend."  
Cass turned to face the man responsible for all the stress in her life and simply said,  
"Fuck off Calum."  
Calum looked taken aback but wandered away from Cass. Then Harry found his way over to her and put his hands on her shoulders,  
"Cass calm down."  
She shook her head, throwing his hands off,  
"I can't calm down! She's gonna lose something important to her and I can't fix it! I can't slow down time! I can't make these three weeks last forever! I can't go back and undo all the things that I've done that made you hate me, or that stopped Mikey from being with Sophie! I can't CALM THE FUCK DOWN BECAUSE I CANT STOP ANYTHING!"  
Harry looked terrified at first, but he took Cass in his arms as he whispered,  
"It's gonna be okay. I don't hate you. She'll make the right choice. As far as Mikey and Sophie, it's was Sophie's choice entirely who she wanted to be with. You have to learn to trust her judgement. Cass, Calum really loves her and he would cross oceans to make her happy, Mikey and Sophie weren't meant to be."  
Cass sobbed violently into Harry's chest, wishing she could hear his words, really hear them deep in her heart, but she was terrified that Sophie was going to make the wrong choice. That the decision Sophie made would just bring her heart ache and pain. She wanted something more for her friend than what she'd been given.  
"Harry?" Harry stroked her hair as she begged, "don't let me go. I'm so tired of being lonely..."  
Harry kissed her hair and held her even tighter. They stayed that way until Cass found her inner fortitude so she could finally let go of Harry and stand alone.  
"Thank you Harry," she didn't look him in the eye, feeling silly for breaking down like she did. Harry ran his finger under her chin, forcing her to look him in the eye,  
"I love you. I'll always be here for you. Don't push me away."  
Cass looked into Harry's big green eyes and saw the love he showed in all his actions. She placed her hand on his cheek. He grinned and Cass couldn't help herself, she leaned up and kissed him. It was a warm, sweet kiss that meant nothing more or less to either one of them. A show of the love confessed and returned. Cass pulled away and Harry looked disappointed, but managed a small smile.  
"I have to go do my job," Cass smiled sheepishly as blush colored her cheeks, "come find me once I'm off duty, okay?"  
Harry nodded and grinned again, Cass felt like she was staring at the sun and for a moment she forgot all the problems in the world and lived in that moment with Harry.

Book 18: Mikey  
Mikey sat in hair and make up, aware of the fact that he was feeling lighter and hopeful for the first time in weeks. Then he felt his phone start vibrating in his pocket, he pulled it out, and the name that flashed on the caller ID was beyond unexpected.  
"Sophie?" Mikey asked quietly and he was surprised when he heard a broken sound on the other side of the line.  
"It was a mistake," she sobbed, "we didn't mean to but it happened and now I am scheduling an appointment and going against everything I believe because I can't lose him...but I can't do it alone."  
Mikey was more than confused,  
"Sophie, slow down, what are you talking about?"  
"I'm getting an abortion." She said it so abruptly that Mikey honestly didn't know what to say. Sophie had always seemed so pure in his mind, not just physically but morally. Not only was she not a virgin anymore, but she was considering an abortion.  
"What?"  
"An abortion," she continued, "because I've been sleeping with Calum and he got me pregnant."  
Mikey felt like he'd just been junk punched, anger swelled within him,  
"Calum did WHAT?!"  
"He," Sophie paused, unable to make the words again. She sobbed and sobbed until the anger Mikey felt dissipated and he asked,  
"What can I do? Why are you calling me? Have you told Calum?"  
Sophie scoffed,  
"Oh yeah, I told Calum that I was aborting his child and he's fine with it, over the moon. Of course I didn't tell him! He's stupid enough to believe we could make it work."  
Mikey begged the question,  
"Could you two make it work?"  
Sophie sighed,  
"I suppose we could try, but the truth is that it would be too expensive and he would be on the road constantly with the band. I can't do this on my own and I don't want to lose him. He means everything to me Mikey."  
Mikey felt his heart ache because this girl, this woman, was the only person in this world he would kill for and die for. Now, here she was crying out for help and he felt powerless to even offer her a hug.  
"Sophie, why are you calling me? You need to talk to Calum. Don't you realize how much it hurts to hear you cry to me about someone else?"  
Sophie didn't respond at first and Mikey was afraid she might hang up and never call him again. He wanted to be the person she called, but he knew that it wasn't healthy to want such things when she was with someone else. With his band mate of all people.  
"Mikey? I never wanted to hurt you. I always thought you and I would find our way to each other, but that was before Calum. That was before I realized that love wasn't just pining after someone, it was the conscious choice to try and love someone more than you fear rejection. It could've been you, but you weren't there. You were too afraid."  
Mikey felt his anger flare and he said the stupidest thing,  
"Well, I guess I should be glad I dodged this bullet, it might've been mine and I'd have to deal with your dumbass for the rest of my life!"  
He hung up and his pride demanded revenge for her accusations. He stormed down the hall of the arena to Calum's dressing room. He walked in and saw Agnes perched in the corner, eyeing Calum like she was waiting to pounce. Calum turned to Mikey and smiled,  
"Hey man, what's up?"  
Mikey threw Calum against the wall, crushing his windpipe. Calum struggled against Mikey, Agnes screamed and clawed at Mikey's arm. Mikey released Calum and watched him slump and fall in a heap on the floor. Before he turned to leave he turned to Calum and offered him a false congratulations,  
"Congrats on knocking Sophie up, you sack of shit."  
Mikey stormed off and felt the anger that drove his actions begin to simmer down. He knew that he shouldn't have done any of it, but a small piece of him felt free at last because he knew that Sophie would never forgive him for hurting Calum or telling him. He was finally free from Sophie's spell, but he couldn't understand why he felt like the world was ending, fading to gray at the thought of losing her forever.

Book 19: Zayn  
Louis didn't know Zayn was awake the whole night. Didn't know that Zayn heard him sigh when he woke up. Didn't know he felt his hands slowly retreat from his body. Didn't know he felt the kiss pressed to his shoulder before he left. Poor Louis didn't know that Zayn had been searching for the strength to get up and leave like it was a cheap one night stand.  
Zayn knew it wasn't. He knew that that night meant so much more than fantastic sex. He didn't just fuck Louis, he made love to the man that had his heart. That's why it hurt when Louis left so easily. Zayn knew that Louis was thinking it was just sex and that he should leave because that's how a one night stand works. In fact, Zayn should've left, it was Louis's room. Louis didn't do anything wrong, but from the moment the door closed behind him until now, Zayn felt like the world was empty. He felt like he was on a deserted island where no one could see him, but he could see everyone else living their lives in a happy manner while he watched unable to intervene. The only time he ever felt real was when Louis called him for help and admitted to missing him.  
Zayn felt ridiculous sulking about when no wrong had been done unto him, but there was a dark festering pain deep inside of himself that threatened to consume him. What could he do but sulk when he had no one to talk to or confide in. His only confidant had been Louis and now he'd lost his only friend in this world.  
Zayn stared at Louis across the stage as they did the sound check. He was entranced by his beauty, unable to focus, so it was no surprise when the sound man shouted at him. The look on Louis's face when he realized that he was great distraction that put them further and further behind schedule was a humbled one. The kind found on the naughty school boy when the head master caught him. Zayn made eye contact with Louis and refused to let him go, he held his attention until Louis finally called for a break to escape the attention.  
Zayn followed him off stage, hoping that Louis would choose to go somewhere private so that they could talk. He hoped in vain because Cass pulled Louis aside and Zayn wondered if the universe truly hated him. He wanted to tell Louis everything, wanted to lay everything on the line and see if Louis could love him despite his faults and mistakes. He wanted to have Louis in one way or another, as his trusted confidant or his lover, he didn't even care what anymore. He just wanted to be less lonely. He wanted to be on an island made for two instead of one.  
After the show that night, once everyone had decided to go get undressed, Zayn finally cornered Louis in his dressing room alone. He locked the door and turned to Louis.  
"Zayn...," Louis looked suspicious, "what are you doing?"  
Zayn took one look at the beautiful man standing before him and he lost all self control. He crossed the room in two strides and kissed Louis. Louis pushed him off,  
"Stop it! Stop. I can't handle all of this, I can't be your play thing or whipping boy. I won't."  
Zayn looked at Louis's defiant face and nodded,  
"I know Louis. I know. I needed to tell you something. I need to tell you everything. I need to explain because I can't live this lie anymore. Louis, I'm in love with you. Not past tense, I am presently in love with you. I have always loved you and all those things I said about you being disgusting, it was all a lie," Zayn paused a moment letting Louis process what he said and continued, "The company came to me and said they wanted me to date Perry because it would be good publicity. I told them I was already involved and they told me they already knew about you and me. I rushed to protect you saying it was me and you were just going along with it. They told me to break things off with you or they would fire you. I did what they said, I broke things off with you and lived this lie with Perry. The sad part is she thinks it's real. I'm dirty and disgusting and I'm sorry for hurting you, but I can't keep this up anymore. I can't live my life without you in it. I need you and I'll take whatever you can give me."  
Louis appeared to be mulling things over when he said,  
"I can't be with you as a lover while you are with her. It's wrong. But we can try to be friends. Honestly, you didn't have to protect me, I'm a big boy, I can fight for myself."  
Zayn nodded,  
"I know, but I just...love you."  
Louis tried not to light up at that, but he couldn't conceal the smile that burst forth when those words left Zayn's lips.  
"Well, you should go," Louis said, "people will suspect something, but maybe we can get coffee in the morning. Talk tomorrow."  
Zayn agreed and turned to go, but was stopped when Louis whispered,  
"I love you too."  
Zayn left but as he walked to his room all he could hear were those same words on repeat.

Book 20: Calum  
For a singular moment Calum registered that there was a good chance that Mikey was lying to hurt him, but the fury and hatred that held him to that wall and choked him wasn't lying. The worst pain was not the feeling of his lungs being deprived of oxygen, it was the feeling of his heartbreaking. Sophie hadn't spoken to him in days and now he knew why. She told Mikey first. Calum couldn't find room in his body for anything but jealousy and resentment.  
Agnes was fawning over him and asking if he was okay. Calum looked at her and her whole demeanor changed.  
"If you need comforting of a different kind, I can be of service to you, Calum."  
She licked her lips suggestively and Calum stood up, using the wall to hold him up. He unzipped his pants and Agnes put her face right by his cock, she blew on it. Normally, a woman offering him a blowjob would've given him a semi, but even after she teased him, he couldn't get it up. He shook his head, embarrassed and angry that even his body seemed to belong entirely to Sophie. He wanted to hurt Sophie as badly as she hurt him, so he took his phone out and dismissed Agnes.  
She didn't answer, of course she didn't answer, so Calum waited for it to go to voicemail and then he lost it,  
"I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME! I had to find out from Mikey?! From the man you had feelings for long before you met me? My band mate? How could you do this to me? You won't EVEN ANSWER WHEN I CALL BUT YOU'LL CALL HIM?! It's over. Do whatever you want, I don't care anymore, don't call me. Don't try to see me. I hate you."  
He hung up and felt the hot tears run down his face. He tried to get passed the fact that he was hurt to feel something other than the empty pit of despair that consumed him. He felt like he couldn't breathe, like his heart had been punched out of his chest. He crumpled to the floor, letting the tears flow, until there came a soft knock. It was Luke. Luke must've said something but Calum couldn't hear anything except his heart pounding in his ears as his heart was torn to pieces. Luke put his arm around Calum, pulling him to his side as he whispered,  
"It's okay. You'll be fine. We have to go perform. The fans need you, can you go on? Can you let her go long enough to show your fans how much you love them?"  
Calum wiped his tears away and nodded,  
"I'll do it for my fans because I do love them."  
Luke helped Calum up and nursed him through the last of his sobs as he also called the stylist back in to redo his stage make up. Before Calum knew it, he was standing on stage, feeling silly. He managed to make it through most of their set list, but when it got to his solo in Close As Strangers, he couldn't make it through, he faked a coughing fit to hide the tears. The words hit home for him and he tried to pull himself together for his fans, and he managed to but as soon as they left the stage, he went to the nearest supply closet and locked himself inside.  
The worst of the pain was the feeling of sobs ripping out of his chest, but no tears. Like he was only allowed so many tears for her and now it was just pain. A cold stabbing pain in his chest where his heart used to be. His lungs burned for the air they were being deprived, but their cries melted into the sobs. Eventually, he sobbed himself out and felt the pain subside as a numbness replaced it. He left the closet and went back to the dressing room and saw his phone where he'd left it. He checked it to see if maybe she'd had the gall to call him, but there was nothing from Sophie. He wondered if she ever even cared about him at all. He remembered his voicemail and realized that he told her not to call him, but he also knew that Sophie didn't follow orders. He shoved his phone in his pocket and headed to the hotel where they were staying the night. His head hit the pillow and he fell into a deep dreamless sleep.  
The next morning Calum awoke to the sound of someone beating on his door. He got up, saw the time, and realized he was late getting up and had five minutes to get his ass to the car so they would be on time to the plane to the UK. Last night was their last U.S. show and Calum felt somewhat bittersweet knowing that the next he performed on American soil he wouldn't be with One Direction.  
He quickly gathered his belongings and dashed to the door, pulling it open to a very impatient looking Ashton.  
"Come on man, you're late!"  
Calum and Ashton both ran down the stairs and managed to make it to the car in exactly five minutes. The driver took off immediately and they were on a plane to the UK. There were only five more shows until they were finally scheduled to go home. Calum couldn't wait to get home to his mom. As childish as he might've sounded, he wanted nothing more than to go home and tell his mom everything because she would always be in his corner and have great advice. Now that Calum was nearly past the initial shock of Mikey's announcement, he began to feel anxiety about Sophie and the pregnancy. He wondered if she would keep it or kill it or give it away. He wasn't entirely sure what he wanted, if Sophie had been upfront with him, he probably would've wanted her to keep it, but now that things were over between them, Calum knew that each choice would have its consequences.  
Suddenly Ashton turned to Calum and asked,  
"So I hear you're gonna be dad?"  
Calum shook his head,  
"Fuck if I know, she's never said anything to me."  
Ashton frowned,  
"But you two were...I don't know...as cheesy as it might sound, I thought you were meant to be."  
Calum looked at Ashton, ever the cynic when it came to love, and managed a small sad smile,  
"Well, sorry to disappoint, but it would appear as though we weren't even close to meant to be."  
Ashton sighed,  
"Bitches..."  
Calum chuckled at that,  
"I know, right?"  
The rest of the flight was mostly spent listening to music, chatting, or sleeping. Calum was relieved when they landed, wanting nothing more than to be off the damn plane. He went through security, gathered his luggage, and turned on his phone. It was appalling how many sounds his phone made in a row as he received text after text and calls and voicemails and even emails from Sophie. He dared to listen to the first voicemail,  
"Calum? I don't know what happened," she sniffled, "I don't know how to make you understand...I didn't call him because I love him. Calum, I'm scared and I didn't want to hurt you, but how dare you? How dare you assume to understand what I'm going through. I'm ALONE. I don't have anyone here to talk to and I called him because I needed a friend. I'm sorry. Please, call me back."  
Calum could hear the barely concealed fear and panic in her voice. He kept going, listening to the second voicemail,  
"I don't even know where you are. How could you do that?! Where were you when I went to the doctor and found out you were so fucking fertile that you got me pregnant on birth control while we were using condoms! WHERE?! Oh yeah, performing. Don't assume you understand what I'm feeling just because you have some preconceived notion that you love me more."  
That one was a little bit angry, but Calum was not prepared for the third,  
"I don't know what you want? I don't know if you want me to get rid of it or keep it. But if this is what it's going to feel like to have a kid with you, not being able to reach you or having fights because I confided in a man who was my friend, then I don't think I could do it. I'm sorry. Call me, don't call me, do what you want I guess," she paused, her voice sounding off as she said, "I'll schedule an appointment to dispose of it tomorrow on the basis that you don't give a fuck. Bye."  
The texts were even worse:  
Sophie: I'm sorry, please call me, I love you.  
Sophie: don't give up on us. Please!  
Sophie: I don't know if you're screening my calls or if you're on a plane but please call me.  
Sophie: I'm scared you're never gonna call me again and I'm going to lose the one thing I was trying to save.  
Sophie: I guess our relationship is most likely over.  
Sophie: oh yeah, I'm pregnant.  
Sophie: I thought I should tell you since that's your biggest complaint.  
Sophie: two weeks. In two weeks it's gonna be gone. Feel free to give some input on where you stand on all of this.  
Calum immediately started to dial her number and stopped when he saw Cass gesture for him to come with her.  
Cass led Calum around the corner and out of sight before she absolutely went bat shit crazy on his ass,  
"How fucking dare you?! She called me this morning, barely able to speak through the tears, telling me that you refused to call her and she told me what you said in your voicemail. You're an asshole. Do you even know how scared she is?! All she wanted was to talk to someone. Yeah, Mikey wasn't the best choice, but when you're pregnant you make stupid decisions and mistakes!"  
Calum didn't know what to say for himself. He tried to think about his reaction to gauge if he overreacted, but he couldn't understand,  
"Why didn't she tell me?"  
Cass shut up at that in a rare state of speechlessness on her part. She shook her head,  
"I don't know. I think she was trying to do what was best for her. She has a career Calum, a very promising one from what I've seen and raising a child would put her in a bind because she doesn't make enough money to support a kid. You don't make enough to support a kid. She was scared to put you in that position with her. She didn't want you to bear the blame if she got an abortion."  
Calum paused, wondering if Sophie really wanted to spare him the stress or if she was just afraid that he might want to keep it. He looked Cass in the eye as he calmly whispered,  
"I'll call her when we get to our hotel. We will talk and I will listen to what she has to say. Deal?"  
Cass nodded and promptly turned to leave. Calum wasn't far behind Cass, but far enough that they looked like mere strangers. Calum got in the car that was awaiting their arrival and impatiently waited to get to the hotel. The One Direction boys tried to be patronizing, warning 5SOS not to sleep until later to avoid jet lag. Ashton told them to fuck off, while Luke thanked them insincerely, Mikey was strangely quiet for once. Calum watched as he played with his phone and saw that there was an unopened text from Sophie, in all caps that looked very angry. He understood the adopted silence once he saw that and wondered why Mikey hadn't opened it. Mikey caught Calum staring and glared at him, so Calum looked to the side.  
The car arrived at the hotel at last, Calum rushed through reception and went directly to his room. He pulled up Sophie's number and pressed call. Sophie answered groggily,  
"Who the fuck is calling me at two in the morning?"  
Calum chuckled a bit,  
"The dumbass who is so fertile he got you pregnant despite two kinds contraceptives."  
Sophie let out a small sob,  
"I thought you'd never call me."  
Calum felt the pain in her voice as if it were his own,  
"Cass cornered me and convinced me that I should hear your side of these events."  
Sophie sighed,  
"Oh...well, thank you, I guess. I found out I was pregnant a week ago and I called Cass first. She tried to help but kept saying I should call you and talk to you. And I wanted to call you," Sophie paused, "but I was so scared that you'd be angry," she sobbed, "so I decided to try and take care of it before you would even know. But," her voice broke, "I went to one of those clinics and I-," she stammered, "I couldn't do it, so I called Mikey in a moment of weakness and he made me feel so dumb. Said terrible things and it was in that moment I decided to call you. But then," she laughed bitterly to herself, "you were calling me and I was afraid. I had a panic attack and then I listened to your voicemail and I died." She sniffled and managed, "Calum I love you and suddenly you didn't love me. I can't abort it. I'm sorry. I want to make this easy for you and me, but I can't kill a baby; it's not right."  
Calum took several deep breaths before he responded,  
"I do love you. I didn't want you to get rid of it, but I also didn't want to find out about our baby through Mikey."  
Sophie sobbed,  
"I know! I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!"  
Calum wanted to hold her, he wanted to comfort her, but all he could do was say,  
"Please don't cry. Don't get worked up, think about the baby. I'm sorry I can't be there with you. You're right, this isn't a time in my life where I can afford a child, neither can you, and I can't bear the thought of our child existing and growing up apart from us. I don't know what to do either but I'll support any decision you make."  
Sophie yawned and in a sleep-thick voice mumbled,  
"I don't think we will be making any decisions at two in the morning...I need to go to sleep Cal, I have work in four hours, I'm sorry."  
Calum understood and was about to say goodbye when she whispered a final request,  
"Would you mind singing me to sleep, like that one time? Remember?"  
Calum scoffed,  
"Yeah I remember, you nearly gagged trying to please me and I made you stop and you were crying because you really wanted to make me happy. I wiped away your tears and held you and hummed a simple melody and you fell asleep before I knew what happened."  
She hummed a happy sound,  
"Yes, will you do it again?"  
"It won't work as well over the phone."  
She whined,  
"Please Calum?"  
He gave in and hummed the same simple melody and her even breaths signaled her sleeping state. He whispered,  
"I love you, Sophie. I always will." He hung up and threw himself on his bed and let his mind drift toward unconsciousness, jet lag be damned.

Book 21: Harry  
A week had gone by since their first kiss and Cass still hadn't been able to find a moment to talk to Harry. Harry would've believed her indifferent if he didn't know exactly what she was doing. Her job was getting complicated because the world tour was ending. She wouldn't be apart of Harry's life for much longer because the company would reassign her to another band on tour. There was a good chance he would never see her again after that, but Harry refused to give in to such a defeatist attitude. He sat outside Cass's room at the hotel, hoping to catch her before bed, but when she finally rounded the corner, she was on her phone.  
"Soph, I don't know if you're baby is trying to kill you. I don't think so, but death by lack of nourishment seems as good a way to go as being murdered by your very annoyed roommate." Cass saw Harry and smiled at him brightly and rushed to end her call. Cass looked beat, bone tired, Harry felt bad keeping her from bed, but the suspense was killing him.  
"Hey," he grinned, "so will we ever actually get to talk about that kiss? Or where we stand exactly?"  
Cass looked a little disappointed,  
"Well, I really, really like you and from what I know, you like me too. So I figure we could try dating, but we're both living like gypsies most of the time, so..."  
Harry took her hand, holding it tightly,  
"I'll do whatever I have to, go wherever I have to so I can see you. The real question is whether or not you want me."  
Cass looked down and to the side, thinking about her response carefully,  
"I'm going on tour with another band around the US this next year, but I will get about six months at a desk job for the company where I live. I have six months before I have to go back to being a gypsy, so if you want to, then we could try then."  
Harry beamed, he knew Cass would never come out and say what she wanted, but if he paid attention to her actions and offers, he could tell exactly what she wanted. He nodded,  
"I'd very much like that."  
Cass beamed and leaned up to kiss Harry. It was innocent to start, but months of pent up sexual frustration escalated the kiss and Cass pulled Harry inside her room. Things got really hot and heavy fast. Cass wasn't like most girls that let the man lead, she would let the man participate if he listened carefully to her directions.  
"Harry, take your shirt off." Cass mumbled around his mouth, breathless. Harry started unbuttoning his blue shirt, but she got impatient with his nervous hands working so slowly. She made quick work of his shirt and undershirt. She pulled away to really look at him and seemed happy with what she saw. Harry was so nervous that he felt like he couldn't breathe and his heart was racing inside his chest. It wasn't the first time he'd had sex, but Cass was different than all the others, he wanted it to be great for her. She pulled him closer and did many unwholesome things to his poor nipples. She made him cry out and gave him such a hard on, he wondered if she would make him come like that. She pushed him on the bed and took off her shirt and pants. He beheld her mostly naked body for the first time and he wanted to worship it. He wanted to get acquainted with every nook and cranny and see where she most sensitive, what turned her on, what made her moan, what made her lose her fucking mind. She was different than any other woman he'd been with, her body more curvaceous and succulent than the models and other performers. Her hair had been in an up-do but she pulled it out and her long light brown hair fell around her shoulders. She stared at him defiantly with a predatory look in her eyes.  
"Take your pants off Harold."  
He laughed at that and she cracked a grin as well. He got his pants off and she sat down on the bed next to him.  
"Do you have a condom?"  
He nodded and pulled it out of his pants pocket. She gave him a lustful look and tried to take it from him, but he kept it out of reach.  
"Let's get to know each other a little bit more first Cass."  
She smiled and said,  
"Well, my full name in Cassidy and I like when men use their hands liberally. My most sensitive places are my sides, my breasts, my shoulders and neck. I like giving hand jobs, but I don't give head. And sometimes when I orgasm I will lightly scratch your back because I don't want to hurt you but I kinda wanna tear your skin off because of the extreme pleasure I feel. Your turn."  
Harry wanted to use all the information against Cass, but he made himself wait,  
"My name is just Harry. I have very obvious sensitive areas. I can't wait to be inside you and I'll do whatever unspeakable things you want done."  
She licked her lips and was straddling his lap,  
"Then by all means Harold, show me just exactly what you want to do to me."  
Harry grinned, and suddenly he threw her on the bed and pulled her panties off. He pushed her legs wide, he looked at her and anticipation lit up her eyes. He slowly slid his finger inside of her and she writhed. He felt how wet she already was and he knew that this was all his doing. He teased her with his fingers and then he slowly made his way up her body, trailing kisses stopping at her mouth. She helped him put on the condom, and he carefully pressed into her.  
"Oh fuck Harry, I'm gonna come!"  
He slowed didn't move for a moment and Cass whimpered, but he could feel how close she was. He wanted to draw it out as long as he could. He slowly moved at first, but his careful pace became rapid quickly. He felt her orgasm over take her, and her fingernails dig into the sensitive skin of his back. He nearly screamed her name when he followed her orgasm.  
They didn't lay there for very long, mostly due to the fact that Cass insisted he get to bed because he had a show tomorrow. He didn't want to leave, but she kicked him out. He would've complained, but no man could complain after that kind of sex.

Book 22: Sophie  
Sitting in a a sterile doctor's office, staring at the rather depressingly washed out yellow walls, Sophie thought about the events that led her to this place. She put a hand over her abdomen, where there was supposedly a baby in there, but Sophie could hardly believe she had anything other than a terrible stomach bug or dysentery of sorts. Today was the first ultra sound, the proof that there was really something inside her except the food she couldn't keep down. She thought about Calum, thought about the day they met.  
Calum was a mess, looked like he hadn't slept in two days. He seemed intrigued by meeting Mikey's crush, he looked Sophie up and down. He didn't look like he liked what he saw, he seemed a tad bit disappointed by the person standing before him.  
"You're normal," he said at last, "no piercings, no weird hair, no weird clothes, you even look like a virgin. What on earth is so special about you?"  
Mikey slapped Calum on the back of the head and demanded an apology, but Sophie was rather amused by Calum's analysis.  
"I'm nothing special," Sophie whispered, "but what really makes anyone special?"  
Calum grinned,  
"I guess you're right, but you have a bite that seems unique."  
Sophie scoffed,  
"Oh yeah, my vileness makes me one in a million."  
Calum and Sophie clicked immediately, going back and forth with ease. Then they traded numbers and Sophie loved that they could talk for hours about very little and about their lives. Calum called and texted Sophie so much more than Mikey, and their conversations were so easy and fulfilling. Sophie still believed that there was something there between her and Mikey and clung to that belief whole heartedly, until a phone call went a completely different direction between them. Mikey called and said he wanted to know how her day was, but seemed bothered by her talking. Sophie felt like shit after that phone call and started to think she was just an annoying person in general. Then Calum called her and made her play a few rounds of fuck, marry, kill. By the time she finished talking to Calum, she was practically walking on air. She fell asleep after that phone call and instead of Mikey filling her dreams, Calum was there laughing right along beside her.  
When things blew up between Mikey and Calum, Cass demanded that Sophie stop communicating with both of them. Sophie called Mikey first and pretended it was because she wanted to move on and Mikey didn't question her, he got upset about it but rushed off the phone with her. Her call to Calum went very differently, he refused to believe that she really wanted to stop being friends, so Sophie was honest with him about Cass's threats. Calum understood and agreed not to call her, but not before he begged her to defy Cass because she made the tour less lonely. They were both in tears by the time they said goodbye and Sophie wasn't sure how she would get through the day without being able to call Calum. Then Calum came to see her and things changed. She registered for the first time that her feelings for Calum were more romantic than she initially believed. They wound up in bed together, but Sophie remembered how Cass described losing her virginity and the way Sophie felt was entirely different. With Calum, everything was safe and warm, he would always be there, and Sophie knew she could trust him.  
The first time with Calum was nothing short of amazing, but the second time was even better. Sophie thought about the way Calum had paid so much more attention to her needs. He went down on her and she felt like she was writhing inside, unable to find a purchase while his tongue did despicable things to her. She remembered how absolutely fucked up he looked after he finally came inside her and how her body had followed his right over her own orgasm. He held her so tightly and his heart raced while he tried to catch his breath. He stroked her hair and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. He said the strangest thing to her after that second time,  
"I've never made love to anyone except you. I finally understand the distinction."  
She hadn't understood at the time, but when Cass described to her the difference, she realized the magnitude of his confession. When she visited him on the road, she tried to show him how much she loved him with every touch and kiss. That was the first time he ever sang her to sleep and she never slept so well in her life. She practically demanded him to do it every night she was with him. His voice was so soothing, better than anything else she'd ever heard. Mikey had tried to sing her to sleep once before, but his voice just wasn't Calum's and Sophie had felt silly asking.  
Calum was so tender and loving with her that she nearly forgot about his darker side. He called her one night, a week after they got together and he was in such a dark place mentally. He said such hurtful things about himself and Sophie's heart ached for him. She talked him off the mental ledge he was on and brought him some peace. She worried about him constantly, so much so that she forgot to worry about herself. It wasn't until she was grocery shopping one day that she realized that it had been more than a month since her last period. She thought nothing of it, but as time continued to pass, her period still didn't show up. That was when she started to panic, that's when she decided to call Cass. Cass saw all the problems and fears that Sophie saw and they both came to the conclusion that Sophie was fucked if she was pregnant. That's how Sophie had come to schedule an appointment at one of those women's clinics to see if she really was pregnant. Which led to another appointment scheduled with planned parenthood for an abortion, but when she was called back at planned parenthood, she couldn't do it. All Sophie really wanted to do was call Calum, but she was afraid of his reaction, so in a moment of weakness, she called Mikey.  
Mikey made matters worse because Calum found out and felt betrayed because Sophie had called Mikey first. Then Calum broke up with her over voicemail, shattering Sophie's world entirely. She spent the rest of the day trying to pick up the pieces and call Calum back, but he didn't answer. She thought he really wouldn't ever speak to her again, the thought driving her to a nearly manic state of mind. Calum's call, when it finally came, served to patch things up, but the truth was that both Calum and Sophie needed to sit down and talk about what they wanted to do about the child.  
Meanwhile, Sophie had broken down and called her big sister, Elena, to tell her about the news. Elena was too kind and loving to turn Sophie away when she admitted to needing money for the pregnancy. The only stipulation on the support offered was that Sophie move to Maryland and look for a job there. Sophie agreed and that was how she wound up in a depressingly sterile doctor's office, alone, wondering if the reality of the situation would finally sink in. Elena offered to come with Sophie, but Sophie didn't want anyone there beside her except Calum and Calum was busy in the UK. Sophie's name was finally called and she was escorted to her room to wait for the doctor. Her phone started ringing and she answered it immediately, in case it was Elena.  
"Sophie?" Cass asked, "Are you at the doctors office now?"  
"Yeah, why?" Sophie was taken off guard by this call, Cass didn't normally call Sophie out of the blue. Cass sighed,  
"Well, Calum is super bummed he can't be there and he's on stage right now, but he wanted you to have someone to hold your hand figuratively. So how you holding up?"  
Sophie smiled,  
"I'm okay, I'm in Maryland with Elena, but I'll still pay rent for the next three months until your lease is up."  
Cass scoffed,  
"You will not! You will save that money for my little squishy faced niece or nephew."  
Sophie felt bad skipping out on Cass the way she was,  
"I can't leave you in a tight spot like that, it's not fair."  
Cass laughed,  
"Oh yeah, because my life is the most unfair of the two of us."  
They both laughed at that and continued chatting for a half hour, until the doctor came in. The doctor allowed Sophie to stay on the phone but only so long as it was on speaker and didn't interfere with the ultrasound. Sophie promised it wouldn't be a problem, placing the phone on the counter beside her. The doctor asked her to pull her shirt up and her pants down so he could get at the proper area. He squirted that nasty, cold gel on Sophie's belly without any warning. Cass commented minimally as the doctor worked to turn the machine on. Then there was this jostling sound and suddenly Calum's voice was coming over the receiver,  
"Soph? Did I miss it?"  
The doctor told Calum to be quiet,  
"Young man, this is an ultrasound, not a concert, you may remain on the line only so long as you remain silent. Understand?"  
Calum sounded like a chastised child when he agreed. Sophie pretended to talk to the doctor, saying something for Calum's sake, so he would know she was okay and there,  
"Is the gel supposed to be cold?"  
The doctor raised an eyebrow,  
"Do you want to see your child?"  
Sophie nodded and the doctor continued,  
"Good. Here we go."  
He pressed the weird plastic sensor to her belly and the room was filled with sound.  
"That my dear," the doctor smiled, "is the sound of yours and your child's heartbeats. Now, let's see, there it is and-oh my! Not just one, but two! Twins my dear."  
It was at this moment that Calum decided to chime in,  
"TWINS?!"  
The doctor threw Sophie's phone a stern look,  
"Do you want me to end this call sir, or can you contain your comments?"  
Calum shut up entirely and the doctor returned his attention to the screen and studied it. He nodded,  
"Looks like a very healthy pregnancy my dear. Are you on prenatal vitamins?"  
Sophie, still in shock over the discovery of two babies, looked to the doctor and shook her head.  
"Well," the doctor tutted, "that won't do. I'll write you a prescription for some and give you a list of any others you should take, okay?"  
He extended his hand to her and she tentatively shook his. He started to leave and turned back to ask,  
"Would you like single or double prints of your ultrasound?"  
Sophie found her voice and said,  
"Double."  
The doctor nodded,  
"They'll be waiting with reception, feel free to take however long to process this news and don't forget to stop by reception for the prints and the your prescription."  
With that, the doctor left and Sophie started cleaning herself up, wiping the stupid gel off of her stomach. Suddenly in a panic trying to get the hell out of the office. Calum whispered,  
"Sophie? Are you still there?"  
Sophie forgot about her phone and Calum on the other end. She walked toward the phone, picked it up, and answered,  
"You are too fucking fertile Calum."  
He laughed nervously,  
"I'm sorry. Are you okay?"  
Sophie just wanted to leave the office,  
"I have to go Calum, I have a lot to do before I go back to my sister's..."  
Calum was disappointed,  
"Oh, okay, um, I'll call you later?"  
Sophie shook her head,  
"Wait for my call please, I don't want you to feel like I'm ignoring you."  
Calum sighed,  
"Okay, I'll talk to you later. I love you."  
Sophie quickly added,  
"Me too, bye." With that, Sophie hung up the phone and practically ran out of the office.  
When Sophie got back to Elena's house, she looked like she'd been hit by a brick wall. Elena greeted Sophie outside and remarked on this fact,  
"You look awful. What did the doctor say?"  
Sophie felt herself tear up a little,  
"He said its twins. I have two fucking babies inside me! How am I supposed to do this?!"  
Elena enfolded Sophie in a hug and consoled her,  
"It's gonna be okay sweetie, I promise. I'm here and you said the father would be involved too. It's gonna be fine. We will figure it all out, okay?"  
Sophie sniffled,  
"Okay, but can I have some chocolate ice cream?"  
Elena nodded and pulled Sophie into her beautiful home and offered her the ice cream to cushion the blow of an overwhelming day. Elena put on a classic chick flick and together they sat on the couch, laughing and crying as one person. Sophie must've fallen asleep because when she woke up, she was still on the couch and there was blanket thrown over her body. She checked her phone for the time, it was after eleven, and she had a couple texts from Cass and Calum.  
Cass: I hope you call Calum tonight because he's about two hours from hopping on a plane to see you...  
Calum: I'm trying not to call you, but I really want to hear from you. Call me, please?  
Sophie felt anxious as she dialed Calum's number, hesitating before she pressed call. She was surprised when Calum didn't answer, but then she factored in the time difference and felt terrible. She left him a brief, sleepy message,  
"Hey Cal, I'm sorry I'm so late calling. I fell asleep with my sister. I know it's probably four or five in the morning so I'm really sorry. I'll call you tomorrow...or you can call me...sorry Cal."  
Sophie stood to go to bed and was hit with a wave of nausea. She ran for the bathroom puking as soon as she made it to the room. Sophie felt terrible, she hated this morning sickness part of it all. She wondered if the nausea would last the entire pregnancy. She started crying at the thought of puking for the next seven months of her life. It was during this spectacular moment of pure misery that Sophie's phone buzzed in her pocket. She pulled it out and answered without a second look,  
"Hello?" Her voice was thick with tears and grogginess and post-pukeyness. Calum's voice answered her,  
"Did I wake you?" His voice was perfect, it sounded like he'd been awake all along.  
"No, I was just puking for the millionth time and crying because I hate puking so much."  
Calum sighed,  
"Ah, the joys of being pregnant, I assume."  
Sophie laughed,  
"Yeah. It's just beautiful leaning over the toilet people shit in as you throw up the food you ate five minutes ago. It's nirvana."  
Calum chuckled,  
"I don't think I'll ever be able to apologize enough for the hell you're going through alone. I wish I could be there, at least to hold your hair back."  
Sophie smiled,  
"That's what a ponytail holder is for."  
"Oh? You've replaced me so easily?" Calum feigned being hurt and then in a more serious tone he said, "Are you going to be okay? You sounded off earlier at the doctor? I want you to know I understand the panic you're feeling so you can talk to me."  
Sophie frowned,  
"Calum, do you understand how much I wish I could really talk to you? To touch you? To be in the same room as you? I hate talking on the phone."  
Calum sighed,  
"I know," he admitted, "I really need you too, but you don't have to push me away."  
"I'm not pushing you away because I want to," Sophie argued, "it's what happens when you feel alone."  
Calum raised his voice a bit,  
"You feel alone? I'm in a foreign country with people who don't understand why I spend my days staring at my phone. You have your sister at least, I haven't seen my family in forever!"  
Sophie yelled in response,  
"I just want you goddammit! I don't want my sister or Cass or anybody else in the WHOLE FUCKING WORLD EXCEPT YOU! I want you and to stop puking!"  
Calum shouted back,  
"Well, I don't either!"  
There was a long pause and then Calum started chuckling and Sophie joined in a moment later, feeling stupid.  
"Well," Sophie said, "I can't believe that we just did that."  
Calum laughed,  
"Yeah, I guess we're that couple."  
Sophie sighed,  
"We are just a couple of idiots."  
"Sophie," Calum asked, "are you showing?"  
Sophie was take off guard,  
"Uhhh," Sophie stood and examined herself in the mirror, "I don't think so. Why?"  
"My mom wants to meet you," he paused, "I told her about you and she asked me how far along you are and if you're showing yet. I told her I'd ask."  
Sophie smiled,  
"No, I'm not showing. I'm just about ten weeks along. Most pregnancies last forty weeks, so I'm nowhere near close to the end or middle really. I'm only a quarter of the way there."  
"I'm sorry," Calum whispered pathetically, "I'm gonna be even later getting done with this tour because our manager booked us a few more gigs, but then we are done for sure."  
"But," Sophie whined, "how long will that take? When will I see you?"  
"Couple of weeks at most. I promise that I'll come to you in a couple of weeks."  
"Don't make a promise you can't keep," Sophie muttered bitterly, "that's how your word becomes nothing."  
"Please,"Calum whispered offended, "don't say things like that. I already feel bad."  
Sophie sighed, annoyed,  
"I have to go Cal, I have to go to bed sometime this century."  
Calum's voice was thick with unshed tears,  
"I love you. I'm sorry."  
"Love you too. Bye Calum."  
Carefully, Sophie stood up and walked to her room, more than ready to collapse into a death like sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks. To be clear, I am not a fan, but this is for my roommate. If you don't like my presentation of the boys, please tell me and I'll consider revisions. I don't know them. I don't think I want to, but this is just some fun for me, so enjoy, or hate, or feel free to critique. Thank you for reading this weird ass creation of mine.


End file.
